rivendellrose: (seeress)
So, I was thinking last night about ritual, religion, spirituality, skepticism, and pantheism. A weird mix, I know. I'll try to be as sensible as I can, and not just fall into flaily "I don't know how to explain what I'm thinking" territory. Unedited, free-form, and largely, I expect, utterly incomprehensible. I thought about making this private, but then decided that if there was feedback to be had, I'm at the point where I could probably use it.

Where I'm coming from, and a lot of wondering about what that points to in terms of spiritual whatevers. )

Statements in here are what works for me. Organized religion... doesn't, in my experience. I've tried and/or studied most of them. Additionally, I don't expect anyone else to abide by my weird concepts of intellectual honesty in terms of ripping things to shreds if they're not "real," and clearly I'm not too sure about how it's working for me, so I'm by no means advocating it. That said, it seems to be how I work. No offense is intended, only a whole lot of navel-gazing through the medium of print.
rivendellrose: (Seattle rain)
Happy Summer Solstice to the northern hemisphere folks, and Winter Solstice to the southern hemisphere folks. Unfortunately, I feel like my city must have become confused about what hemisphere it's meant to be in.

Today is cloudy, rainy, grey, and 58 degrees F. It may be the longest day of the year, but it sure as hell doesn't feel like Midsummer. Worse, there's no sign of it letting up (and warming up) much before July, if not even after. Eugh. This is turning into a teeeeeeeeny bit of a problem.

See, for one thing, no matter how I wibble back and forth between intellectual atheism, agnosticism, and skeptical paganism/pantheism, my heart is pretty much pagan. I get very twitchy if I can't at least notice the passing holidays, even if I don't go in for ritual and prayer much anymore, and right now I feel like it can't possibly be Midsummer. I feel like my whole perception of the year is wonked out of order, now. It feels like April, and that's... causing me some weird spiritual dysphoria, is the only way I can think to explain it.

The other side snuck up on me. I've been feeling depressed on and off lately. Just kind of "blah," and cranky and faintly weepy at random moments in a way that I don't usually get at times that aren't ruled by overactive hormones - nothing serious. But I finally twigged yesterday to the fact that the exact nature of this wibbly-wobbly feeling was familiar - it's how I usually feel in March and April. It's particularly bad since my desk has been moved away from the window at work. That hideous feeling of not being quite 'on,' of not wanting to particularly put in effort at anything even though I want to want to (if that makes sense)? Yeah. Seasonal depression. Welcome to Seattle... but it's not supposed to last this long! Any other year, I'm perky and happy and active by mid-June - because any other year, I'm getting sun by mid-June, even if I'm far away from the window at work.

So boo on all this crappy weather, and boo on seasonal dysphoria and whatever else you want to call this. Tonight, I'll light some candles to start welcoming the latter half of the year, and... I guess I'll hope that we get a reprieve in late summer, otherwise I foresee a whole winter spent miserable because I never got summer at all.

(And yes, I will consider getting a thingy light. It hardly seemed necessary the last few years, but... hell, if this is all the summer we get, I'm going to need it.)
rivendellrose: (Tardis Christmas2)
Happy Winter Solstice / Yule to everybody who celebrates. I'm feeling pretty nostalgic for it all, myself, today - we went out to the ballet for The Nutcracker last night, and I got my annual viewing of Love Actually in this weekend, and I have a feeling I'm going to end up lighting candles tonight, and staying up until midnight just because. K and I always talked about staying up all night some solstice, and we never managed it - we'd always peter out about one in the morning. But staying up with a candle always makes me feel better about the winter, and makes me more aware of the fact that the worst of the long nights is over.

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