the question of the day

[rivendellrose]

Which is a worse panic reaction?

A. Marching into the counseling center today and asking whether it's at all possible for me to graduate this spring because I'm sick to death of all this, and I'm realizing that I have no idea what I want to do but it's looking increasingly likely that archaeology isn't really the answer, either.

OR

B. Sticking around for at least another quarter because I can't imagine what I'd answer on a statement of purpose for English, and at least with archaeology I have a deep love of the past and actually want to do the work, even though I know that getting a degree in it would mean absolute shit and I don't have the background to get into a good masters program.

* * *

I'm leaning toward A, at the moment. Because I'm so sick to death of this lifestyle right now that I want to scream, and it'd be nice to actually be able to get a good job this summer, which usually doesn't happen because I'm a moron and have a hard time lying and end up telling people that yes, I'm going back to school in the fall. So no one hires me. And also because... what the hell good is it doing me to stay here while I don't know what I'm doing, anyway? But I feel like if I quit, I'm stuck with English. And I'm not sure that I want to be stuck with English. I love writing, but English majors are a dime a dozen, and there's always Business and Communications majors hovering around to take our jobs anyway. Except for teaching at the highschool level, which I DO NOT want to do. I can't. I hate teenagers - I'm still terrified of them from my own experiences in highschool, and I know that I'd be shit for dealing with them on a daily basis. I'd go nuts, and become a bitter old bitch, and I don't want to do that. I just don't know what the hell I do want to do, and it's making me crazy. I keep looking in every possible direction and seeing nothing but things I should have looked into, things I should have tried, things I should have done, and it's driving me up the walls.

Oh, and my thesis? Sucks ass. Just so everyone knows.

Comments

[shadawyn.livejournal.com]

Make a timeline. Be honest with yourself. Will this "OMG MUST GRADUATE NOW" pass with a summer break?

Where do you want to be a month from now?

Three months from now?

Six months from now?

A year from now?

Two years from now?

When I was about to graduate (holy shit, has it been a year already?), I can't tell you how ready I was to be done. With a break, I'm ready to go back--though it's not possible right now. Knowledge can be gained by book reading on your own time, though good discussion is much harder.

You might not be able to file for graduation this quarter, but you probably can for summer quarter, and just let prospective employers know the diploma is coming.

It's all up to you. It is possible to go back, it's just harder to go back (money, time, commitment-wise) if you finish now. You can change your mind later--it might take more work later--but whatever you decide will not be irreversible in the span of your life.

Do what's best for you and your sanity and your health.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I know I want to go to grad school, so this isn't the end. I'll want to go back, and I will... I just don't know what I'll be going back to. I love archaeology, but I'm scared of it - I'm afraid I don't have what it takes, or that I'll get bored and won't really like it as much as I think I will. I'm not sure I wouldn't be happier just reading the books about what other people have done, but then whenever I'm reading those books, I start thinking "damn... I'd love to be the one doing that."

And English just feels so... I love it, but it just feels so dull and easy. With the exception of actually writing the papers, which is hard only because I have a hard time seeing something really fascinating to say.

I have to really think about the 'where do I want to be' questions, because I really don't know. There are possibilities, but I've never been able to actually pin one down as being definitely what I want.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_hannelore/]

When it was obvious I was not going to be able to graduate my senior year, I had a long talk with my advisor and he was able to wrangle something of an "alternative" degree which allowed me to graduate later that summer with two independent classes.

It's also logical that not everyone does what they went to college to do, sometimes they go in a completely different direction at 20 or 30 or 50. My mother got her nursing degree at 39.

My best suggestion would be to go to the counseling center anyway and just listen to what they have to say, but don't make any choices today. Sit on it for a day or so, have a cup of tea away from home alone, just write down what it is that you want to do now.

Footnotes

[shadawyn.livejournal.com]

It's also logical that not everyone does what they went to college to do, sometimes they go in a completely different direction at 20 or 30 or 50. My mother got her nursing degree at 39.

I studied art history. I work in a cellular phone call center. I want to write fiction for a living. Yeah, I have to agree.

Also, the "average" (whatever that means) American goes through 5 major career changes in their life. What we do at 20 doesn't cement us for life.

(And yeah, lots of people don't do what their degree is--especially in the liberal arts.)

Re: Footnotes

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

What we do at 20 doesn't cement us for life.

No, it doesn't cement us, but I've got this horrible fear that I'm cutting out possibilities, that someday I'm going to look back and realize that I can't do what I really want to, because I didn't take the necessarily opportunities now. I know it's at least 50% irrational, but it's always in the back of my mind.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I actually have all my requirements - I just never applied for graduation, because I wanted to try to shove in a second degree in anthropology. So this is just... end of the year cold feet, more or less, and watching my friends who are the same age as me all graduate, and I'm just kind of stuck.

Yeah, that's definitely what I need to do. Just figure out what the next step is, and take a bit to do it. And the tea is definitely a good idea - I swear I'm living off the stuff right now, but I haven't actually just sat down with a cup somewhere nice in a long time.

[spazzychic.livejournal.com]

Do what you'd like to do. Most places don't care anymore what you have a degree in as long as you have one. And writing has always been about talent, not the letters after your name.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I totally agree that the degree is what matters... the trouble is figuring what it is that I want to do.

[irish279.livejournal.com]

I was an English major. I've worked for Congress, I've worked for a non-profit, and now I'm the Director of Publicity for a publishing house. What about book editing? Proofreading? Law? Regular business? News writing? Freelancing for magazines? Technical writing? Copy writing? Public relations / marketing / advertising? What are you the most interested in?

You actually hold a lot of power, Jen. I can write better than anyone I've ever worked with, whether they were business majors or political science majors or even journalism majors. You'll be amazed how much that counts. I did take a few mass comm classes in college - enough for a minor - but I'm not a J-school grad. I'm an English major, and I weild quite a bit of power because of my handle on the English language. So do you. You'll find what's right for you.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the English major boost - I'm so surrounded by science majors that I forget sometimes how important skill with English really is. I just need to figure out what I want to do with it. That's been the hard part, the last few years.

I think I tried for archaeology because I hoped it would be an instant fit, that I would take two classes and know this was exactly what I ought to be doing, and that it would lead to me knowing what to do next. I love it, I'm fascinated by it, but I'm not sure it's quite the easy fix I was hoping for.

[gurny.livejournal.com]

Here's my take for what it's worth. If you are getting burned out with the college life then don't stay in it. Go out and work for a little while. If you see something that you would benefit from learning then you can come back and do that. I know that for myself I have been able to focus a lot more after working for a couple of years.

I hope your day gets less stressful, see you tomorrow :)

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

That's what my advisor told me, at the end of last quarter - and that her department, at least, prefers candidates who've taken a year or two off before applying to grad school. I think that might really help. Putting my financial aid on hold might be a hassle, but at least if I take some time off I can work on building up a more significant pile of savings, so I'm not constantly stressed about that.

Thanks. It's not really been a bad day, I'm just having battles with stress and feeling really emotionally wrought lately. It'll be better in a few days.

[ellid.livejournal.com]

Do NOT make any decision without talking to a counselor AND to the CDO at your school. I was also an English major and unfortunately have found it all but impossible to break out of the pink collar ghetto, largely because I made bad choices, didn't talk to anyone about employment before graduation, and was in a situation where I felt I had to take the first (clerical) job that was offered to me. End result: I'm in my 40s, have never made more than $25,000 a year (usually much less), and am now doing the sort of part-time bohemian jobs-that-put-food-on-the-table-while-I-decide-what-to-do jobs that I should have done when I was young.

If you want to be an archaeologist, *stick with it*. College is not forever, but the poverty that comes with a "feminine" job may well turn out to be exactly that.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

First off, a stupid question - CDO? I'm probably spazzing on the acronym for something I am actually aware of... but I'm also the kind of person who doesn't go to the counseling office unless absolutely necessary, so it's possible I'm clueless.

That's pretty much exactly what I've been worried about - I wouldn't at all mind doing clerical for a while, but I'd like to think there are better fits out there for me. It's definitely time for some serious soul-searching about what the hell that 'better fit' might be. I'd rather find something I actually like than something I can just live with, and I need to figure out what that means.

[narsilion.livejournal.com]

Did you see the two job posts that I sent to your hotmail account? One is administative assistant, the other is....PROOFREADING! the proofreading on is downtown, the other is right there in the U district!

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, the one in the U-Dist required three years of office experience. The one in downtown might be a possibility, but the hours were 12am-6am or 1am-7am. Which could do in a pinch, I suppose, but I'd sure as hell rather not work graveyard like that...

On the other hand, I might apply for it anyway, just to see what happens. I don't understand why the hell they'd need a proofreader to have those hours, though.

[narsilion.livejournal.com]

Oops, I didn't even notice the hours, I assumed they were office hours. Yes, why would a proofreader need to work graveyard.....good question!
I found them, by the way, on craigslist!

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I'll have to take a peek there, then.

[ellid.livejournal.com]

Career Development Office. They probably call it something else on your campus.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Ahhh, yes. Also a very good idea. I've spoken to them before, but I think I have a slightly better idea of what I'm doing than last time. *Crosses fingers*

[singingjana.livejournal.com]

Jen, you are a great writer, and as little as I know you, you seem to be passionate about it. Why not switch your degree over to journalism? You might end up WRITING about archeology for a cool magazine, or editing -- which every good writer loves to do -- or some other hybrid, well paying job that needs your talent. Aren't you an incredible artist, too? You can work that into your publishing cred. Photography is also a good skill to pair with your writing. Point is, you can always surround yourself with literature or words if you are aware of what's out there and not afraid to go after it. School is nice, degrees are necessary, but your major is less important than you think. I have a major in music history and I'm working as a civil servant for the state now. They just cared that I had a degree, not what it was in. I beat out a lot of other applicants that way, in the very first round of hiring since the big state freeze. So yeah. Finish your degree, and feel proud of what you complete, but focus your energy on your upcoming career. Counseling about this is a great idea -- both in school or with a career counselor outside of school.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I know the degree doesn't matter that much, but in a lot of ways it really is preparation for what I might end up with - it limits the directions I can go in, to some extent. Probably not so much as I'm scaring myself with, though. ;)

Journalism has never actually appealed to me, although I'm not honestly sure why. What I'd like to do eventually is write the sort of books that are geared at the reasonably educated lay person. Biographies, books on historical periods, books interpreting literature... that sort of thing. That's really what grabs my interest in terms of writing. I'd be pleased to just do ghost-writing for the scholars who've got the info in their heads but don't know how to put it coherently on pages, I just don't know how the hell one goes about setting in that direction. I guess that's another thing to talk to a counselor about.

[narsilion.livejournal.com]

The ghost writing would be a great way to get started I bet! Good idea!

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

The ghost writing would be fabulous if I didn't have no idea whatsoever how to get started in it. Unfortunately... I have no idea how you move toward that sort of work.

[theladyfeylene.livejournal.com]

Just because you have an English Major, it doesn't mean you're going to be stuck in just English Major jobs. I've seen a lot of people saying pretty much the same thing. Unless you want to go into a highly specialized career, a degree is pretty much a degree. You have the proof that you went to college.

I can't advise you much on the school thing, but as for the work thing: regardless of what your degree is in, you can get a good job and go far. You work hard, be reliable, eager to learn, and you advance. And you have work experience, and you're well spoken and have the skills to get an entry level position with room for advancement. And no, you are not locked in to what you start out doing. You can get a job in whatever, and still be looking for what you really want to do. Seriously, it isn't anything to panic over.

Talk to the counseling center people, though.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

The only thing that stops me is the thought of archaeology - if I decide that's what I want to do (and, like I keep saying, hell if I know whether it is or not), it is one of those specialized careers where I'd need the educational background to do it. That's what's causing the big hang-up - otherwise, I'd happily graduate with my English degree and go from there.

I know it's not, I just get overly high-strung about this kind of stuff, especially when my hormones are all out of whack anyway. And this has been the emotional-out-of-whack few days of DOOM, pretty much, because of all the end-of-the-year stress.

[becksbooks.livejournal.com]

Teaching High School isn't THAT bad. I mean, yeah, the kids are asshats, but so are a lot of people you'd work with in any job. At least the kids you can get in trouble for being snots.

I'd say ride it out for your archaeology degree that you're workig on. My only reason for saying this is that if it was me and I threw in the towel at this point, I'd spend the next few months berating myself for not finishing it out and HAVING the damn thing.

And there's always high school. Or middle school, where the drama is even better ;)

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

*Shivers* I can't even think about middle school without feeling slightly ill.

As for highschool, I still have way too many hang-ups about certain 'types.' Girls with a certain quality put me on guard immediately, and they and male athletes both make me so nervous and bitter that I'd probably have to tranquilize myself just to survive walking into a classroom.

I might be up for it some time in the future. Right now, or in the near future, I think I'm still way too close to everything that I went through in highschool.

Quite possibly. I'm trying to weigh the future berating against the berating I might be putting myself through next year... I don't know, I think I'll just end up talking to a counselor and sitting on it for a few more days.

[ursula]

Talking to a counselor is a good idea. You know what else I would do? Go talk to the archaeology department about fieldwork. It's probably too late to get *paid* to do fieldwork this summer, but I suspect somebody has a project which could use a couple more volunteers/ interns, and the real test for archaeology may be whether you want to be in the field or to be writing about the results.

I'd also think about nonstandard MFA programs. I have a childhood penpal who is doing an MFA in science writing; there is almost certainly an MFA program in *nonfiction* stuff that would give you the sorts of practice and contacts to write biographies, etc.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

That's a good idea - I wouldn't mind doing something local on a volunteer basis as long as it gives me a chance to figure out what the hell I'm doing. I just can't afford the actual field schools, and don't have the background to get into one yet, anyway.

That's the kind of thing I've been looking for! I'll have to remember to ask about that when I see the counselor. My dad had suggested grant-writing, but all the courses in that seem to be geared to people actually in whatever field, and just writing a practice grant-proposal as practice. But plain old non-fiction writing would really be the best possible situation... Thanks so much for mentioning that!

[ursula]

Googling "MFA nonfiction writing" produced a bunch of programs. U. Iowa's is the famous one, but there are lots of others. They seem to call themselves "literary nonfiction" or "creative nonfiction" programs.

I also found this guy:

http://thewritersworkshop.net/

Sounds like he could either be sketchy or really great-- and since he's local, his courses wouldn't be too hard to check up on.

[ursula]

I may have mentioned this before, but one of my mother's writerly friends writes various sorts of fiction & nonfiction, and one of the things she has published is carefully researched spells in Wiccan publications. This sounds like something you might be really good at-- if you're curious about that market I can put you in touch.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I am definitely curious about the market for Wiccan/Pagan writings. I'm not so much into the spell-casting side of things (although from what I've seen, that's where the money is), but I've been interested for a long time in writing on a more practical level for the pagan community, and it would be very much worth a look!

Thanks so much for looking into the nonfiction thing for me - I'll start looking at programs and see what I think, as that might really be a viable and worthwhile option!