paper

[rivendellrose]

Wow, my essay is a piece of self-indulgent tripe! This is fun.

*Headdesk* *Headdesk* *Headdesk*

'Personal narrative' is not a good field for me. Not right now. I don't have enough of any worth to anyone but me to say, or good ways to say it.

Edit: Oh, and I forgot - I was going to write fic for a bit, as a way of clearing my head, but then I remembered that I'm having problems with my current fic because, get this, it's a piece of self-indulgent tripe, too! Wow! I've got this whole fabulous theme going on in my life right now! Eeeeeagghhhhhh. I knew there was a reason I'd abandoned this stupid series of fics. Bad, bad, bad, stupid, it's like I'm making up for the fact that all my totally crap teenage shit got hidden away in fandoms no one cares about under a totally different pen-name. So now, at 23, I'm writing the equivalent of 13-year-old screaming-Mary-Sue twaddle! Wheee!

...This is oddly therapeutic. Just so you all know.

Comments

[narsilion.livejournal.com]

I think you're probably just frustrated. I bet it's actually quite good, you generally know yourself quite well, and you are VERY articulate. Take a deep breath, eat some ice cream or chocolate
(if you've already had breakfast that is) drink some tea, and it will all look better.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I've been frustrated over this stupid paper since I started it - that's worse than usual. I just can't seem to get a handle on what I'm writing, without it sounding just completely moronic.

The chocolate might not be a bad idea, though. And more tea.

...And possibly getting dressed. Yeah, that might help...

[nekokoban]

Umm, on a hopefully more amusing/distracting/how-the-hell note, your cat managed to open my door this morning. I'm not entirely sure how, but he seems to have perservered, and he was very pleased with himself for it. :p You could hear him purring all the way across the room before I shambled over and tossed him out.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

....*Headdesk*

I really ought to be more surprised by that. But he's been a zoommy... zoomy... how can I misspell a word like that? It's "zoom," so it ought to be "zoomy," right? Anyway, he's been a bastard this morning. So mostly I'll just worry that he's somehow developed opposable thumbs, in which case we have a matter of days before he starts taking over the world. Good thing I have the gooshy food hidden.

I need a Theoden icon. But for now, this will do.

[narsilion.livejournal.com]

Hehehehe,Evil Grandma has been giving him pointers!
He wants to TAKE OVER the house, then, the WORLD! Mwahahahahaha!!!!

[narsilion.livejournal.com]

Ermmm, he can only go outside to take over the world if he holds Grandma's hand though. I don't want him to get hurt!

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

....*Dies of laughter* Okay, that's one of the funnier mental images I've had recently.

[reve-lucide.livejournal.com]

Wow. You sound stressed. Just remember, your fic is NEVER as bad or as good as you think it is at any given time. I have to keep that in mind pretty much the entire time I'm writing something, or I would never finish and/or post anything. Good luck!

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I'm less upset about the fic than the paper, but you're right, and it's true of all writing - it's never what we as the author think it is, in whatever mood.

Thanks. I think a few deep breaths and a little bit of doing something completely different will help me immensely, at this point.

[reve-lucide.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I sort of meant the paper too, but you know me and my inability to say what I mean. :p

Mind if I ask what you're working on, fic-wise?

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I thought that might be, but I wanted to make sure. The fic thing... if I get sufficiently upset with a fic, I just drop it. :P

It's actually a Highlander fic, the continuation of a series that I dropped almost a year ago, back when I first started watching Firefly (and had hit the point in the fic where I knew where I was headed but wasn't sure I was willing to actually post it). It's a totally non-canon pairing, and because one of the secondary characters I've been working with was only in one episode and, thus, is largely my own creation... I feel like a Suethor. It's highly embarassing.

[reve-lucide.livejournal.com]

Suethor! That's great -- I love it.

Doesn't sound like a Mary Sue-type situation to me, though ... it's not like the character doesn't exist in canon or happens to look like you or anything like that. :p I'm sure it will turn out just fine. Same for your paper.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I wish I could take credit for that - can't remember where I ran into it.

I know, that's what I keep telling myself. It's just unnerving, that's all, and I'm apparently high-strung about all that stuff today.

[narsilion.livejournal.com]

Ooh, another great icon!@ You're on a roll!

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Thanks - I've got a few I've been working on that are finally coming together, I think. *g*

[cirakaite.livejournal.com]

Neither fic nor essays are ever as bad as you think they are . . . and if they are, taking a break and coming back to them in a couple of hours, once you've thought about something *else* usually helps you get a handle on how to fix it.

(Also, I find dragging my laptop to a coffee shop or cafe helps if I'm having problems. Because people-watching is an excellent way of wasting time & it actually helps distract you so that when you're not wasting time, you're writing well.)

*hugs*

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

That's the one thing that makes me think my next computer ought to be a laptop - I'd love to be able to just go to a cafe somewhere and hang out, and work there rather than in my room. Not very practical, since you get more computer for your money with a desktop, but... so very tempting.

*Hugs* Thanks. I'm feeling better for ignoring the damned thing, at the moment, and hopefully I'll get both of them finished soon and can move on to bigger, better (or at least less stressful) things. XD

[cirakaite.livejournal.com]

Sorry- I thought you already had a laptop! The ideal combination (and note I say ideal, since I have yet to actually achieve this) is having a cheap word-processor-and-internet-capable laptop and a decent desktop, at least in my mind. Then you have mobility where necessary, but the processing power to do interesting things at home.

Good luck! (Then again, my time-wasting at the moment has led to the creation of almost 250 icons spread between 4 RP characters. This 15 page essay? So not getting done *g*)

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I kind of do, but it's so old as to barely be useful - it won't accept my thumb-drive, won't notice the free WiFi all over the U-Dist, tries to crash on me, is really slow... that sort of thing. So I have the choice of getting a new laptop or a new desktop for graduation, and I'm kind of boggled as to which I should go for. :P

Thanks! I'm feeling a bit better, now, so... hopefully I can finish the damned thing in the next hour and send it off.

[otterknit.livejournal.com]

Get the laptop and then a few months down the road once you've saved up a couple/three hundred dollars, ask me to upgrade your desktop for you--since I love building/upgrading computers and haven't had any chances to do it in months.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Ooo, that is something to think of. See, for the most part my desktop is okay... it's just getting really old, despite my constant efforts to upgrade it. I got a new memory card last year, for my birthday, so that's no longer an issue... I think it's the processors that just aren't up to normal specs anymore. Still, that does definitely give me a new option to think of, thank you!

[otterknit.livejournal.com]

Well, a processor upgrade (including a new motherboard which you're likely to need for compatibility with the processor) generally runs anywhere from $200-$400 depending how fast you need. Unless you're planning on running Halo 2 and Quake 3 (or whatever version it is people are playing now) $250 should easily cover you. Should be easy enough to match the memory you have. The only hiccups might be needing to get a sata compatible power supply but that shouldn't be more than $30 or so, and if you happen to still have an ISA card for anything, which would need to be upgraded to something PCI... could be anywhere from $5-$20. But, even then, it'll be like having a brand new $1000 computer for a fraction of the price.

Unless you're talking really really old... as in, pre-ATX, but I would doubt that if you were able to upgrade memory recently.

</hard sell on upgrading desktop instead of replacing>

[cassildra.livejournal.com]

*hugs and dark chocolate* If it gets too bad, just scream at your fic, "Go commit Mary Sueicide!"

*the phrase "Mary Sueicide stolen with glee from a poster over at BRPS*

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

*Laughs* Mary Sueicide. That's lovely!

My solution of the moment has been to simply accept - new mantra: "Sure, this thing sucks. Then let's make it suck as badly as possible, get over ourselves, and keep going!"

[cassildra.livejournal.com]

Acceptance works too, I guess. But... that's not as fun!

Come on, you know you want to yell random, seemingly-nonsense phrases at your computer! :D

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Ah, but I already do that! XD

[cassildra.livejournal.com]

Oh. Well, in THAT case.

I want to learn Klingon so I can scream it at the top of my lungs in the middle of Pittsburgh. XD

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. The best I do is grumble in very mangled Mandarin. I figure the only way anybody'd recognize it is if they, too, learned their Mandarin from Firefly. ;)

[cassildra.livejournal.com]

I need to buy the series and Serenity. D:

[iamlovely.livejournal.com]

The last two personal narrative papers I wrote were about fictitious events.
That then launched me on a my-life-is-so-monotonous-that-I-can't-even-write-about-it rant, which made me realize I had a whole bunch to write about, just didn't think of it at the time.

If you need help with fics I would love to help.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty much at that point, yeah. I thought I had something interesting, but when we started workshopping other people's essays and I realized they'd all written about... biking from Seattle to Portland at total random, or getting kicked out of the house by an abusive parent, or something like that. Well. All of a sudden my identity crisis over my sexuality didn't seem so much like something I ought to be taking up class-time working over. :P

At the moment I think I know how I'm getting around this one, but I'll keep that offer in mind!

[coralia13.livejournal.com]

For what it's worth, I loathe the personal narrative. I don't know that there is any way for it not to feel like self-indulgent tripe, no matter whether or not it actually is, unless you are phenomenally good at it. In our culture, we just aren't trained to talk about ourselves like that. It just doesn't feel right.

Anyway, I'm glad posting is therapeutic. Would it be therapeutic to tell us about your fics? Because I, for one, would love to hear about them, regardless of any, um, twaddle.

Good luck with everything!

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I love reading them, so I thought this'd be more fun than it's turning out to be... And I felt like I had really good examples to follow from folks I've read. David Sedaris is one great example of somebody who can pull them off beautifully, for instance - he's got books published, now, but they're pretty much just collections of his essays on various subjects. That man is high-larious. ;) Anyway, it turns out that my life just isn't interesting enough. Sedaris can make a whole (wonderful) essay around his and his parents' tastes in art. I can't seem to make anything work, even when it's about huge, life-altering stuff. :P

So, yes, writing about other people's lives. Much better at that. Sort of.

I've got a couple fics going right now - one is a Highlander fic, which I'm not sure you've seen? Fairly campy early 90s tv show, mostly known for the swords and the lightning and "There can be only one!" And Queen. *g* Anyway, I'm finishing off a series about one of the extremely secondary characters and her relationships (one canon and one very much not) to two of the main characters. Once I finish the main series (two or three chapters to go, one already written), I'll have a crossover with the X-Files to finish it off. Because my friend zinjadu bunnied me with that ages ago, and I promised her I'd write it.

The Firefly stuff... I'm writing Zoe, Mal, and Inara for 3measures, which is turning out to be really really fun, if slightly angsty 'cause I had to set it after Serenity in order to keep Wash from inserting himself into everything. And then I'm writing a big multi-chapter post-Serenity AU thing where the crew has to go to ground, and the last place they find where they'll be safe is with Jayne's family. Much madness and hilarity ensues, of course, and I'm hoping for good bits with all canon pairings. There's already been some very fun Mal/Inara and Zoe/Wash moments, and I'm still plotting how I can get Simon and Kaylee in on the action. I have a feeling it will involve one (or more...) of Jayne's sisters trying to get Simon into their bed, and Kaylee 'saving' him. ;)

...More than you needed to know, I'm sure. But I'm excited for them.

[coralia13.livejournal.com]

David Sedaris is amazing. My favorite essay of his, I think, is "Six to Eight Black Men." That one had me rolling on the floor. I would love to be able to write like that, and maybe some of my LJ entries kind of mimic his style a bit, but he's so skilled. I think the trick might be that mundane things are better than huge, life-altering stuff. Even his essays that are about big things, like that creepy guy who tried to molest him in his trailer full of dildos, are made more mundane because of Sedaris's blase attitude. I think some things are easier to write than others, or maybe it's just the way you approach them. For example, my LJ entry about my golf course job last summer is one of my favorite things I've ever written, but my college essays make me want to weep with shame and frustration, and did, when I was writing them. But, yeah, he certainly has a gift.

All I know about "Highlander," I learned from a Dane Cook stand-up show. And all I know from that is his description of a woman fighting off a tire rocketing at her face: "Like she's going to get in a slap-fight with a Goodyear. Or maybe she just palmed it - DUSSH! THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE HIGHLANDER! TIRES CANNOT DEFEAT ME!" Anyway, I love little back-story fics, so that one sounds like a lot of fun.

And OMG - I LOVE your idea for Firefly! I don't usually read AU, but that sounds fantastic and way too good to pass up! Can't WAIT to read it!

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

True enough. Maybe I'm just not focusing enough on the details.... huh. I wonder if I can turn this essay around a bit, in a David Sedaris sort of style. Food for thought, at the very least.

Oh dear. Well, it does capture the campiness that some of the series has... especially the movies. XP Alas - only the series was ever any good, as near as I can tell, and even then it was occasionally hit-or-miss. But there was enough that worked that it really caught my heart. Or maybe it was just the guy in this icon. I am weak versus snarky hot British men. ;)

Yay!