rivendellrose | fic post

Apparently I managed to post this fic to WhoFic yesterday, and completely forgot to post to my own journal. That's a good sign of how out-of-it I still am. Aaaaanyway, this sadly is not the Romana/Nine fic that I'd hoped to post this week, but it is something else that I've been sitting on for a long time. So, that's progress!

Fandom: Doctor Who (and Torchwood)
Title: "One Day in Cardiff"
Timeline: Tenth Doctor, post-series-3
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Tardis, Jack, Gwen, Ianto, mentions of other Torchwood folks.
Summary: A sort of a sequel to my Interlude and Storm, largely as a thank you to everybody who so kindly didn't treat me like a mental patient for writing that monster. Thank you, everyone! Credit is due to

maymargaret for putting the bug into my head about this idea, and listening to me fuss about both of them for far too long.
Notes: Mature themes! It's a Torchwood cross, people. Be reasonable. :P It's also Doctor/Tardis again, though not nearly so graphically as last time.

Once she’d taken in her fill of energy from the rift, the Tardis usually enjoyed the luxury of languishing in its emmanations. Like a hot bath to a human, the rich wash of waves and particles here soothed and energized her body and spirit. It was, she thought, the energizing aspect that posed occasional difficulties. Just now, with every vein and circuit in her body aglow and tingling, the idea of waiting patiently for the Doctor’s return seemed so... prosaic. Pedestrian.

Boring.

Just once... just this once, wouldn’t it be glorious to do something else? He had said, last time, that she ought to practice this skill... And in any case, it would no doubt amuse him, once he realized what she’d done and found her again.

A little concentration brought old and unused circuits back to life, and a bit more attention ensured all the energy taken up by that circuit came directly from the rift, not her own recently-filled reserves. A rush of power, a wave of dizziness and disorientation as her mind adapted to a new shape with new senses to perceive the universe, and then...

The Tardis opened her eyes and blinked in the bright white-grey light of a Cardiff afternoon. A quick glance confirmed that her appearance was as she’d intended - two legs and two arms with the expected number and formation of ending-digits, appropriate semblance of clothing, and a form that was, as far as she could see, suitably commonplace without lacking a certain aesthetic appeal. She nodded briskly to herself.

Now, where to go? She had no idea where the Doctor would be in his wanderings by now, and tracking him by telepathy would, if he noticed, give him an unwanted warning of her activity. But waiting alone in the middle of Cardiff would be no more entertaining in this shape than in her normal one, and would attract far more unnecessary attention - while Humans seemed perfectly capable of ignoring a blue phone box, she suspected they might eventually notice and question one of their own species who seemed not to be doing anything other standing in the middle of a courtyard with no evident purpose. All the Humans around her, to be sure, seemed to be moving quickly from one thing to another, regardless of how pointless their errands might be. And Humans were the answer, of course - there was one lifeform in Cardiff other than the Doctor who she could stop in and visit...

The Tardis smiled, took a moment to orient herself in linear space, and started walking. Yes... a little surprise visit to this friend would do just fine to pass her time.

* * *

It was shaping up to be a pretty safe, normal, boring day for Jack Harkness. When he first discovered Torchwood, he’d been sure he’d found an organization that could keep him on his toes, but after a while, it all become just another bureacratic desk job with the occasional Armageddon to stir things up for a few weeks before a return to monotony. Wake up, have coffee, work out, shower, have another coffee, read the paper, do paperwork. Bother Ianto while he made more coffee. More paperwork, washed down by more coffee. Read reports. Wonder why the hell evil aliens couldn’t try to take over the Earth, because to be honest he could really use a little excitement.

All in all, one would think that running a secret government organization to protect the United Kingdom from alien influences would be a whole hell of a lot more interesting. And also less prone to causing paperwork. Jack had always rather thought of paperwork as something that happened to other people.

In fact...

“Hey, Ianto - just the man I was looking for.” Jack offered his most winning grin. “I got a project for you. Here, this--”

Ianto looked at the handful of files in Jack’s hand, then up at Jack. “Actually, we’ve got something more important.”

“About time. What’s up?”

“We have a problem.”

“Isn’t that our motto?” Jack grinned. “We should paint it under the door, there. Or get you a nice brass desk-plate, y’now, one of the ones with--”

“This really is a bit of a pressing problem, sir.”

“Oh. Right. So... what’s up?”

“There’s a woman in the break-room.”

About to tell Ianto that he had damned well better get used to the idea of Tosh and Gwen going wherever they liked in the office, Jack revisited the sentence and realized its greater significance. “Not one of us,” he clarified. “And you didn’t let her in?”

“No! I was away from my desk for about five minutes - there was another printer jam, and you know Owen breaks the damned thing every time he tries to fix it, and I didn’t hear anything from the door the whole time, but then... there she was!”

“Okay, okay. No problem.” Jack lifted his hands, placating the agitated man. “She’s probably a reporter; we’ll just give her a nice little tour and a complimentary cup of coffee, and--”

“I don’t think she’s a reporter, Jack.”

“Why not?”

“Well, I told you she’s in the break-room.” Ianto shifted awkwardly. “She’s just... going through the kitchen supplies.”

That set Jack off his guard. “We have a civilian intruder in Torchwood... and she’s raiding our cupboards.”

“And the icebox, yes.”

If she was an investigative reporter, Jack thought, she might be one of the most clever he’d ever known. Or at least the most creative. “Okay - show me. Whoever our guest is, sounds like she needs the welcoming committee.”

There wasn’t much to Torchwood’s ‘kitchen’ - a standard office break-room tucked away in the depths of the complex, with a coffee pot, hot water spigot, refrigerator and microwave for leftovers, as well as a number of cabinets and cupboards the contents of which, Jack now realized, he had actually never so much as momentarily considered. Ianto could have been hiding the Arc of the Covenant, the Holy Grail, and the Imperial Crown of the Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire in there with the coffee filters and extra sugar packets, and no one else in the office would have been the wiser for it. At least not before today, as their visitor had methodically thrown open every cupboard and drawer in the place and neatly arranged one of everything - everything, including old packets of catsup, soy sauce, mustard, jam, non-dairy creamer, every known kind of sweetener, vinegar and a thousand other little containers Jack couldn’t immediately identify - out onto the central table along with inumerable boxes and styrofoam containers full of leftovers from every take-away joint in Cardiff. And in the middle of this carnage, a rather pretty young woman with short dark hair perched primly on a folding chair, poking curiously at a box of take-away rice in a brilliant orange sauce as though she’d never seen a stranger thing in her life.

Jack took a quick glance at his wrist-scanner. Yup. Alien lifeform detected. Figures - if she doesn’t know what curry is, she’s definitely not a local girl. Jack cast a warning look at Ianto, and stepped forward slowly. It was possible their visitor was just lost - a lonely refugee or explorer of some kind, rather than the first wave of a dangerous invasion force checking out their defenses. It was just that, given Torchwood’s history, the possibility of an alien just randomly wandering in without malevolent intent was rather unlikely. Still, Jack was willing to give diplomacy a first go. Unfortunately, the stranger beat him to the first words.

“Is this meant to feel so painful when eaten?”

Not exactly the epic first contact Jack’d had in mind, but it was better than most of what he got at Torchwood (which tended to run something along the lines of ‘pathetic human worms will die miserably’), and Jack was nothing if not a pragmatist. He leaned cautiously forward and bent to examine the side of the box. The initials ‘J.H.’ were scrawled in black marker on the side of the plastic box. “Yeah... that’s my curry. Five stars plus a little secret ingredient I picked up on Beta Centauri a while back. It’s supposed to be hot. I like it that way.”

The alien looked up at him with a combination of awe and disgust, her cheeks pink and her blue-green eyes watering. “I don’t.”

He couldn’t help smiling. “Maybe you should be more careful when you’re eating other people’s food, then. Some of the stuff in there’s probably toxic by now, anyway. I can’t remember the last time we cleaned it out.” As he spoke, Jack gently lifted the carton out of her hands and handed it to Ianto, who replaced it in the fridge. “Do you want to tell me what you’re doing here, Miss?”

She looked incredulous, and said in a patient but bemused voice, “I am eating.”

“Yeah, got that part. But why here? There are restaurants all over Cardiff... in fact, all of these same ones.” He waved his hand over the table of take-away boxes. “This, on the other hand, is not a restaurant. So you’ll have to forgive me for being rude, but I need to know who you are and what you’re doing here.”

“You don’t recognize me.” The woman pouted. “I know we didn’t part on the best of terms, Jack, but really...”

A tendril of fear coiled in Jack’s stomach. “You’re saying we know each other.”

“Of course we do. I can’t believe you don’t recognize me, honestly, Jack. After all the time we spent together...”

“Er... listen, I have a few problems with my memory, but I really don’t--I’m not usually...” He struggled. “I’m good with faces, honey, and yours is pretty enough I don’t think I’d forget it easily! Are you sure it’s me you know? Jack Harkness?”

“Of course I’m sure it’s you.” She stood and made herself another cup of tea out of the electric kettle, adding a fairly shocking amount of sugar and creamer. “I have an impeccable memory. You on the other hand...” She clucked her tongue, shaking her head and giving him a downright mischeivous look. “You acted as though our time together was special. Still, people come and go, don’t they?”

“Look.” Jack stepped over to her, checking to make sure Ianto was out of range to hear what he said. “I had a few years there... I’ve got some amnesia. Maybe you and I...” Wait a minute... “But you called me Jack, didn’t you? So you didn’t know me in those years.”

“Clever boy.” The woman smiled at him, and for just a moment he thought he saw something familiar in that smile, something that jarred his memory, but he couldn’t quite--

“Jack? Who’s in here, we’ve got--oh, no.” Gwen stepped in front of him. “Jack, we can’t keep doing this. We can’t keep bringing civilians in here and drugging them! You remember what happened last time, we--”

“I didn’t bring her, she let herself in.”

“We still can’t keep drugging people like this! Sooner or later, something else is going to go wrong - we’re going to turn up with the highest cancer rate in the western hemisphere or something. Have you even tested to see what the long-term consequences of--”

“Gwen, stop.” Jack grabbed Gwen’s shoulders and held her still for a moment. “I wasn’t going to drug her. She’s not even Human.”

“She isn’t?” Gwen blinked, then turned rapidly, all of her attention trained on the very woman she had, moments before, been bent on defending. “What is she?”

“I don’t know. I was in the middle of trying to figure that out when you--”

“Hey, Jack?”

“What is it now, Ianto?!”

The office manager stopped in the door, eyes wide. “It’s just, I’ve got that pizza you ordered.” He held out the box like a peace offering, looking a bit desperate. “And, ah... I think there’s breadsticks, too?”

Jack took a deep breath. This was clearly not his day, and given the content of a good number of his past days, that was really quite an accomplishment. “I didn’t order any pizza, Ianto. Take it away and tell them they got the wrong place. Or ask Owen, maybe he’s--”

“It’s mine.” The strange woman stepped forward and took the pizza box right out of Ianto’s hands. “I ordered it under your name, before you came in. I thought you wouldn’t mind.”

“How did you--”

“Well, there is a phone in here, Jack. Over on the wall there.” Ianto gave him an apologetic look. “It’s just everyone always uses their mobiles, so there’s never been much call for it.”

Jack returned his anger to its proper focus on their uninvited guest. “Okay, we’re good on the how, then, but why did you order pizza in my name?”

“I told you. I’m eating. I found the listings over there, on the icebox.” The woman had opened a pizza with what appeared to be every topping a restaurant might offer, and was staring at it with delighted confusion, somewhat how a child regards a brand new and particularly intriguing puzzle they’ve been given.

“But why pizza, why would you... why would you do any of this? What’s the point? What are you here for?”

“Jack.” She smiled at him. “Stop worrying. I’m not going to destroy your world, although a lot of good it would do you to ask me if I were going to. Take a deep breath, sit down, and have a slice of pizza. It’s very... interesting.”

“Most people don’t have the curry topping with pepperoni and garlic chicken.”

“Really?” She seemed entirely unconcerned by this revelation, and continued voraciously. If he hadn’t been accustomed to Tosh and Ianto’s impressive metabolisms, Jack might have wondered how such a small being could eat so much, seemingly without any ill effect. “Incidentally, I ought to apologize for our last meeting. I didn’t mean to run away.”

“Run away?”

“The last time I saw you,” she affirmed. “It’s like the Doctor told you...”

“The Doctor?” Jack realized he was turning into a broken recording device, and things were just starting to fall into place if only she would let him think for just a moment...

Even the Tardis knew. She ran to the end of the universe to get away from you... You’re wrong, Jack.

“Wait, you--”

She stopped him with a cool finger on his lips and a sweet smile. “You destroyed the Master’s paradox machine. Cut it out of me like a cancer. I never had the chance to thank you for that.” Her blue eyes seemed almost to glow, and he knew exactly why that smile of hers seemed so familiar, now. He’d never seen it before, but he’d felt it in the light that changed Blon the Slitheen, and in the strange mental tickle he’d occasionally felt while he helped the Doctor with maintenance and repairs.

“Tardis.” Jack’s mind reeled.

Her smile grew wider, and she stepped in close to him, tilting her head with a mischeivous expression. One hand reached up and settled on his shoulder, pulling him down toward her. “Thank you, Jack...”

“Jack! No kissing my spaceship!”

Definitely the Doctor’s voice, and definitely not what Jack had been looking for at that moment. The woman - the Tardis!, Jack corrected himself - pulled away, laughing. Jack was definitely not laughing. “She was the one kissing me! Why do I always get the blame?”

“Because you usually deserve it.” The Doctor wasn’t even looking at him anymore, though. He had his arms crossed, one trainer tapping, as he glared at the unrepentant space-faring entity in front of him. “You could have warned me.”

The Tardis shrugged. “It wouldn’t have been nearly so fun that way, would it?”

“I thought you’d been stolen. And when I scanned, I thought Torchwood...”

“We’ve been over this. Who’s in charge up here? Give me a little credit!”

“You’re not the only person in Torchwood, Jack.” Again, barely a glance before the Doctor returned his attention to the Tardis. Always nice to know where you stand, Jack thought. He was only a little bitter. After all, she was magnificent... all the more now that he knew exactly who and what she was. He’d always had a thing for that ship, and knowing that she could turn into a human, or at least the appearance of one...

“I thought we agreed you wouldn’t do this again without telling me,” the Doctor continued earnestly.

“Wait, she’s done this before?”

“Only once. And she said it took too much energy to do it again...”

“Which is why you did it here. Isn’t it? It’s the rift.” Jack grinned. “You can take in all the energy you want, and use the excess to change your shape.”

“Smart and charming.” The Tardis returned his smile, and then turned her attention back to her Time Lord. “I got bored of waiting for you, and I thought it would be a pleasant surprise.”

“What, coming back and finding you gone?” But the Doctor didn’t sound upset anymore - it sounded rather as though he was just grumbling on principle, and the Tardis seemed perfectly aware of that fact. She practically bounced to his side, all smiles and good cheer, and slipped her hand into his, squeezing it fondly. “Next time, leave a note or something.”

“I’ll take that under consideration.”

“And don’t kiss Jack.”

“I was just thanking him, for destroying the paradox machine...”

“Buy him a fruit basket.”

A pink tongue poked between her lips. “You ruin all my fun.”

It was like watching a pair of newlyweds. Jack felt a wave of nostalgia for a wedding ceremony he’d attended back in the thirty-first century, between a particularly lovely trio who’d involved a certain openness in their ceremony...

“We’d better be going, Jack. Good seeing you again.” The Doctor held out his hand, and Jack roused himself from fond (and heated) memories to shake it.

“So soon?”

“We’ve probably caused enough havoc around your office.”

“I ate pizza,” the Tardis announced cheerfully as she was escorted out the door.

“Oh? That ought to make your internal systems interesting for a few weeks... Suppose I should be glad it wasn’t the Master again...”

“I handled that just fine. And he deserved it. Turning me into a paradox machine...”

“That happened after you swallowed him.”

The Tardis waved a hand, voicing a derisive snort. “Lineality...”

Like watching a married couple, definitely. Jack shook his head as they left. Too bad they weren’t the more generous and open kind... Ah, well. His people would probably feel neglected if he disappeared for a few hours of hot Time Sex or something.

...Come to think of it, where the hell were his people?

“Jack? Umm... Jack?”

“Ianto?” Jack ran the steps up to the reception area but... no Ianto in evidence. Except... a thumping from the coat closet? He threw open the door. Sure enough, Ianto hung upside-down in the closet, his feet tied together with string, from which hung, about eye-level with the bound-up Ianto, a yellow plastic yo-yo. “What the hell?”

“Just untie me,” the Welshman grumbled, blushing beet-red. “It’s kind of a long story.”

“Guy with a brown suit and glasses? Came in looking for his ship?”

“You know him, then?”

“Yeah, you could say that...”

Did everybody get tied up around the Doctor except him?

* * *

“That’s not funny.”

The Tardis pouted. “You don’t like it?”

“It’s my scarf, of course I like it. Haven’t seen that one in centuries.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

The Doctor took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You mean other than that Human elbows don’t bend that way?”

“Oh.” She frowned, shifted for a moment, and then sighed. “I don’t see the purpose of having joints with such specified angles of use.”

“You can’t fix it, now, can you?”

“It’s an illusion. Of course I can.” More shifting.

“You really can’t. You’re stuck.” Laughter was threatening at the edge of his voice. “You’ve gotten yourself into that shape, and now you can’t figure out how to change it. Looks like that circuit might still be a little faulty, after all...”

“It’s not funny!” The Tardis finally burst out, one arm dangling at a helplessly absurd angle from a loop of the bright, multi-colored scarf that bound her to the bedstead.

“Oh, I’d say this is.”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time... if you’d just paid attention sooner...”

The Doctor crossed the floor of the small hotel room. He sat down on the edge of the bed, and watched her with a warm grin. “That’s what this all comes down to, doesn’t it? You think I don’t pay enough attention to you.”

“You get distracted.” She was pouting again. Still. And the fringe of one end of the illusory scarf dangled into her face. His magnificent ship, his oldest companion... looked, quite frankly, ridiculous.

“Next time,” the Doctor told her as he gently untwisted her arm, “just say something when you start feeling neglected. All right? It’ll be a lot less stressful for both of us that way.”

“I thought you liked my being human.”

“I do.” He bent forward and kissed her. Got distracted a bit... and then remembered his point just as her newly freed hand began untying his tie, and pulled away from the kiss. She made an aggravated noise, and tugged against the scarf for a moment before giving up. “I just don’t want Jack getting tempted back into his life of crime by stealing my spaceship. You were enough of a temptation for him before he learned you can turn into a woman.”

She looked almost insulted. “I wouldn’t let him steal me.”

“You get stolen on average of every third landing we make. Stolen or lost, or dropped into the depths of an ocean...”

“It’s not my fault you can’t seem to find good places to set down. Anyway, Jack is our friend.” She smiled. “It was amusing to make you jealous, when you thought I was going to kiss him.”

“I wasn’t jealous.”

“Not even a little bit?”

“Well...” He tilted his head, squinting into the distance. “You weren’t really going to kiss him, were you?”

The Tardis shrugged. “Why not?”

“Just thinking, it’d be strange for you to kiss Jack before I did.”

“Why?” She smiled. “We’ve both known him just as long.”

“I suppose so, it’s just...”

“Doctor?”

“Yes?”

“You said to tell you when I feel as though you’re neglecting me.”

“Hmm?” The Doctor pulled back from his mental focus. “Oh. Ah. I see. Well. Best do something about that, then, hadn’t I?”