Discovery 1x10: Despite Yourself

[rivendellrose]

HELLO, MIRROR UNIVERSE! And holy fucking HELL that was a ride. I'm honestly not even sure how to put my feelings here together into coherent comments, but I WILL TRY.

- Hmmm, Lieutenant Bambi is out trying to do delicate procedures on the remains of a Klingon ship. This feels like time for -- YUP, ANOTHER PTSD EPISODE.
- Maybe it would be a good idea to tell someone you can't cope with this, Tyler?
- Oh, or you could go see L'Rell. That seems like a GREAT plan.
- OH, AND THEN OPEN THE CELL. FABULOUS!
- Oh good he's strangling her.
- OH BAD, VERY BAD, THAT'S A TRIGGER, WE HAVE WINTER SOLDIER HAPPENING.
- Except only partly. This is the worst thing that could possibly happen. This is it, this is the worst, because not only is he Voq, but he's also NOT entirely Voq and he still doesn't know what's going on and now I have to still feel bad for him and STOP IT WITH THOSE FUCKING EYES, LIEUTENANT BAMBI, I SWEAR TO GOD.
- TELL MICHAEL TELL MICHAEL TELL MICHAEL--oh, no, much better if you tell her everything's fine and then break a glass in your hands. That's great.
- They did their research and remembered the ENT episode with the USS Defiant!
- CAPTAIN KILLY.
- Lorca doing the Scottish accent while posing as Discovery's engineer
- THE SHENZHOU. ♥
- Holy crap it's Ensign Connor!
- No one knows who the emperor is. Oh. Oh, I bet I do! :D :D :D
- ^ LAST TIME I SMILED IN THIS WHOLE EPISODE BECAUSE HOLY FREAKING SHIT.
- And then it's all a giant mess of TYLER KILLED CULBER and BURNHAM KILLED CONNOR and HOLY SHIT MIRROR BURNHAM IS HOT and HOLY SHIT DO NOT DO THIS WHEDONVERSE ANGEL SHIT TO ME, TYLER and oh my god I feel SORRY for LORCA. I FEEL SORRY FOR EVERYONE.

Was Tyler blacked out when he killed Culber? Do I actually know who the emperor is? I'm pretty sure I do and blabbermouth Frakes has mostly made me certain... WILL I BE ABLE TO GET THROUGH THE NEXT EPISODE WITHOUT CHEWING MY OWN FINGERS OFF?

Next week: Pain, angst, terror, anxiety, more finger-chewing, anticipation, and dread. Also, FINALLY ANDORIANS. I don't know whether to thank the gods of Star Trek or just drop to my desk and sob.

And now since I have no one to talk to about this who is in my time zone I am apparently going to go write Happy AU fic to make myself feel better. And sternly ignore the shippy fic that I didn't quite finish before the episode today and now feel sliiiiiightly uncomfortable about.

Comments

[monanotlisa]

Hey hey I am here! Are you awake? Is there a chat room somewhere??

[monanotlisa]

Well, okay, I basically used the comm as my personal chatroom... #sorrynotsorry

[rivendellrose]

Lol. No worries! I actually missed this comment because I was over on the comm, but that's what it's there for.

And thank goodness some of you were awake this evening, because my other friend who watches is on East Coast time and went to bed about an hour after I watched, so I was brimming with "OH GOD MUST FREAK OUT ABOUT THIS AT SOMEONE." XD

[st_aurafina]

I am so whacked around by this episode omg. I was grinning ear to ear - nobody has seen this Emperor, eh? CAPTAIN KILLY! Lorca bleeding and on his knees beside Michael jfc hello relationship dynamic I hadn't recognised.

And then the thing where they KILLED THE GAY POC and why did they have to ruin what could have been a perfect episode?

[rivendellrose]

For what it's worth, the producers and Wilson Cruz have both been very explicit about the fact that they considered the various angles of the Culber thing and, like, conferred with GLAAD about the storyline or something (apparently Wilson Cruz is an industry ambassador for them) and this is very much not the end of Culber/Stamets, Culber will be back, and Cruz stated clearly that his favorite scene between them is yet to come. And given Stamets now has super powers, it's easy to believe something crazy is going to happen there. So although I was very upset I am currently withholding judgement until I've seen what they're gonna do with that whole thing.

And all that other stuff? HOLY FUCKING HELL. Also Michael and Ash continue to break my heart just by looking at the camera, or each other, or anything. ♥

[st_aurafina]

I saw that, but... you know how it is? There are so many weaselly ways they could bring Culber back and make it not okay - flashbacks, evil!Culber, only-in-Stamets'-head!Culber, IDK. It's a bit soon for me to trust them wholeheartedly, I think? (I am still raw from the Person of Interest kill-your-gays party.)

I'm not ditching the show but I've got that nasty gut-clench feeling which makes me take a step back from enjoying it wholeheartedly. I want to love it wholeheartedly!!

[rivendellrose]

I get that. I'm still mad at them for killing Georgiou (which, okay, mentors have to die, sure, but... I was so ready for Captain Georgiou and also I'm still kind of really in love with her) and Landry (for which there was NO fucking call, guys, that was NOT ON).

I feel like it's likely this is kind of like when Cornwell was "dead" - not exactly a fake-out, but not the whole truth, either. I think we're legitimately going to see Culber again. It might take floaty-glowy-mycelium-magic for us to get there (in fact they've said as much pretty directly) which does not thrill me because I dislike floaty-glowy-magic as a plot device, but they've kind of earned it this time, and I'm willing to go in for just about anything that fixes this. So... I'm crossing my fingers they'll earn your wholehearted love back. ♥

[st_aurafina]

Killing Georgiou was not okay either and it's still not okay but I will be somewhat mollified if she's the Emperor. Somewhat. But she better be magnificent and everyone had better kneel.

I want to love it wholeheartedly!! I am ready! Let me love you!

[rivendellrose]

From a narrative sense, I totally get it. From an emotional sense, I will never be over it. From now on when people ask who my favorite Star Trek captain is, with apologies to The Sisko, I can only answer "Philippa Georgiou." ...And in fact, I think Sisko would agree with me. :P

I will be somewhat mollified if she's the Emperor. Somewhat. But she better be magnificent and everyone had better kneel.

I volunteer as tribute. Agreed.

I want to love it wholeheartedly!! I am ready! Let me love you!

Way back when the fanboys started bitching about SJWs taking over Star Trek and io9 was already doing a whole "it's FAAILIIIING" dance and people were whining all over, I decided I was determined to love this show as much as I possibly could bring myself to, and that I would write fic for Burnham and Georgiou and reblog everything about how beautiful they are and just... love the ever-loving shit out of everyone. So far it seems to be working. Even when I kind of want to grab the writing staff by the shoulders and shake them until their fillings fall out. It reminds me of B5 in a way - flawed, and deeply painful, but all the more important to me for that.