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Okay! I know this took me forever, but I got a bit off-track, so I thought I'd have to rewrite the whole darned thing, and then ended up deciding that it just needed a little more work before it was quite right.

This is the fic requested by the lovely [livejournal.com profile] coramegan, who asked for a crossover dealing with a meeting between Doctors Simon Tam and Julian Bashir, over coffee, and featuring complaining about something. It's a bit short on the complaining, but I think I touched on pretty much everything else... and a bit more.

Fandoms: Deep Space Nine and Firefly, crossover.
Characters: Simon Tam and Julian Bashir, guest-starring River and Garak, with brief cameos by Kaylee, O'Brien, Book, and Some Random Bajoran Vedeks.
Notes: Nothing to warn of, really, unless you count that my poor confused mind really wants to do more of this. I can't help it - combining my two favorite-ever sci-fi shows is just a little too fun. And they work together so well, in some ways!
Title: Brave New World.


"You specialize in xenobiology?" Doctor Simon Tam shook his head, regarding his companion with something akin to awe and horror in equal parts. "Human beings are enough for me, I think. Of course, where I come from, we've been proven fairly conclusively to be alone in the universe. With the exception of the occasional mutated cow fetus on display for the curious."

Clearly not knowing what to do with that last comment, but at least fairly sure from the other doctor's little smirk that it was a joke, Julian Bashir offered a smile and gestured around the Promenade at the usual multitude of races passing by the replimat. "Well, you can see things are a bit different here."

"I certainly can. Although not as different as one might suppose." Simon's brows drew together as he watched a pair of Bajoran schoolgirls hurry by, giggling and chatting. They looked to be about River's age, and seeing their innocent good cheer tore another little gap in his heart. These people have technology beyond our wildest dreams back home - maybe they can help her before we leave. For the moment, though, Dr Bashir was waiting, and he dragged his mind back to the subject at hand. "All the races I've seen have been surprisingly similar, really. Bipedal, binocular, vertically-oriented, presumably breathing the same atmospheric mix... it's surreal, when you think of the possibilities available to evolution."

Julian nodded, swallowing a sip of the thick, horribly strong coffee he'd given some complicated name that started with an R. One taste had assured Simon he couldn't handle it, and was quite content with his plain black coffee with sugar and real cream, but the other man seemed to enjoy the stuff. "Quite. There are a few that don't hold to the pattern, but nonetheless, it is strange, isn't it? I assure you, though, there are plenty of differences to be getting on with. They can be subtle, but also quite profound."

"Hmm." In the door of a shop across the way, a tall yellow woman held out some sort of snack for a rather squat, blue-tinted man with no hair. They seemed to be sharing the treat... and occasionally licking each others fingers as well as their own. "How profound, exactly?"

Julian followed his gaze and laughed. "Profound enough to cause difficulty, particularly for a physician, but not to be an impediment to those sufficiently determined."

Simon's eyebrow shot up. "Reproduction?"

"Occasionally." Julian grinned at his new-found friend's obvious shock. "With a bit of technological and medical assistance, of course, usually. There are a few species that can interbreed without medical help, but those are definitely the exception rather than the rule. There's some theory that many of the sentient races were seeded by a powerful race now long extinct, but that's still just speculation for the most part."

"I guess in our world they must have changed their minds about that plan." Simon sipped his own blissfully plain coffee, took a bite of the raspberry danish he'd requested and smiled. Real food was as common here as the vitamin-enhanced protein packs that made up the majority of their meals on Serenity. Maybe they'd be able to take some supplies back with them, once Kaylee and that engineer figured out what the anomaly had done to Serenity's engines.

"Maybe. Or maybe you just haven't gotten out far enough, yet."

Simon shrugged. "In either case, there's enough trouble in our sky without alien races to worry about." He blinked, realizing he'd picked up one of Mal's typical manners of speaking, but then let it go when Julian didn't seem to think anything of the odd turn of phrase. Maybe their translators dealt with things like that as easily as it did different languages.

"You mean your sister," Julian supplied, his smile turning sad. "Your captain explained her situation to me, although I admit I'd like to see more of the medical details. Captain Reynolds was a bit... vague, on the science."

"I'm sure he was." Simon nodded, trying to imagine how Mal must have phrased the problem. At least it was him and not Jayne. "I still have some computer scans of her brain, and all my notes from the minute she woke up after the rescue. Any insight you might be able to offer..."

"Of course. The brain is still the most mysterious and delicate organ in the human body, but we've made a great deal of progress in the last few decades. With any luck, we'll be able to piece together a treatment regime you can take with you when you return." Julian lifted his mug in a mock-salute.

"I don't know how to thank you--" Simon trailed off, catching sight of a familiar figure running down the concourse toward their table. River's hair bounced and rushed after her like her namesake as she ducked in and out of the crowds.

"There are aliens here, Simon, real non-human aliens! Have you seen? I met several, and one of them talked to me for a long time about his planet while Kaylee was talking to the other mechanics about Serenity. His metabolism is partially reptilian, but he has hair, and he's not completely cold-blooded, so normal classifications don't apply."

Simon laughed and caught his sister as she barrelled into him, hugging her against his chest for a moment. Maybe this place really would be the best choice for them... The Alliance certainly couldn't find them here, and Captain Reynolds would have a whole new 'verse of people who didn't recognize his ship as a smuggling operation. And most of all, Julian seemed to think he could cure River.

Speaking of Julian... "It sounds as if you've met my friend Mr Garak. I'm glad he was able to entertain you for a while," the other doctor smirked.

"River, this is Julian Bashir, he's the doctor here on the station. Julian, this is my sister, River."

River held out her hand to be shaken. "I'm pleased to meet you, Doctor Bashir."

"I'm pleased to meet you as well, Miss Tam. Your brother tells me you're quite the genius with numbers. Maybe you can help me sort out a little problem I've been having with the station's computers misplacing some of my medical files. The Cardassian computers seem to function on a different logic base than the Federation is used to."

"I'll try." River eyed him thoughtfully. "Mr Garak is right - you pretend to be less than you are."

Thick coffee made a strange gurgling sound as it tried to escape through Julian's nose. "I beg your pardon?"

"He thinks you pretend to understand less than you do, to be more of an innocent than you are. He thinks it's impossible that a man as intelligent as you are could really be so naive as you project."

"He told you that, did he?"

Simon knew the answer before his sister shook her head. "Not really. But he thinks it."

"Umm.. my sister is..."

"I read minds," River interrupted in a matter-of-fact tone, busily examining the replicator behind them. "I can do other things, too, but this is the most useful. You don't have to be afraid, though. I'm good at keeping secrets. Just like him." A soft whirring filled the air, and a plate of steaming 'bao appeared in the recepticle. Completely unsurprised, River picked it up and sat down next to her brother. After a moment of silence, she realized both men were staring at her and looked up at them. Simon recognized the expression of the little girl who'd begun correcting his assignments when she was barely five. "It's a simple programming algorithm."

"You're right, River. Mr Garak is very good at keeping secrets." Julian paused, the temptation to ask for details written so clearly upon his face that Simon could read it.

River answered the unspoken question before the doctor could work through his moral dilemma. "I didn't catch much of what he was thinking. His brain is too different. But he thought a lot about you, even before I said you were talking with Simon. His brain is very visual."

Julian looked rather as though he was about to choke again, so in the interest of pre-empting a medical emergency involving what seemed to be the station's only doctor as the patient, Simon broke in. "So, Mr Garak is a member of the crew here? What does he do?"

"Not a member of the crew, no..." Julian hesitated, then leaned forward a bit. "Garak is--"

"My dear doctor, I hope you aren't telling our new friends any of your overly-inventive ideas about my occupation."

The urbane, cultured voice surprised Simon, who somehow had expected a ‘real non-human alien’ to sound somewhat less like one of his more eloquent professors from Med-Acad.

Rueful disappointment flashed over Julian's features, then softened into amused resignation. "Of course not, Garak. I was going to say that you're the station's tailor."

"Of course. And nothing could be more simple or true. You must be Doctor Simon Tam.” The tall grey-skinned gentleman bowed slightly at the waist. “I met your charming sister on the Defiant, and I’m afraid I must steal her away for a few moments, as she extracted from me a promise to talk more about my homeworld as soon as I was no longer detained.”

“A fashion emergency?” Simon realized belatedly that this was one of those times when what popped out of his mouth could easily be interpreted as insulting, but the older man smiled, a strange, close-lipped smile that vaguely set Simon’s nerves on edge while still seeming completely charming.

“Indeed, Doctor. The captain was most eager to have the shoulders in his newest dress uniform jacket adjusted.” With another little bow, he held out his arm to River, who practically bounced up to join him, tucking bao into the pockets of her loose vest as she went.

“I’ll find you later, Simon!”

The two doctors watched as the odd pair walked off down the Promenade, already deep in conversation. “You know he’s not really just a tailor,” Julian informed Simon softly.

“I was getting that impression, yes.”

“He’s a spy.”

Simon nodded slowly.

“Shall we find something to distract your sister? I’m very fond of Mr Garak, but I understand you might not consider him the most savory company for a young girl like her...”

“Oh, no.” Simon shook his head, a slightly dazed expression coming into his eyes. “No... I think she can handle herself. In fact, I’d hazard a guess he’s got more to be afraid of than she does, in the end.”

As he watched Kaylee skip by, hovering around the station’s engineer and chattering non-stop about something or other to do with engines or reverse-couplers or something like that, and caught sight of Shepherd Book deep in solemn conversation with a group of what seemed to be monks in red robes and high, pitched hats, Simon began to wonder. No doubt the crew of Serenity could survive this new universe - they’d gone through much worse, and come out on top. But could the new universe honestly survive them?

Date: 2005-09-03 05:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zinjadu.livejournal.com
Ha! XD I'm got the greatest DS9 fan, but this was pretty fucking perfect. Oh, and you've got a repeat of the sentence Speaking of Julian... "It sounds as if you've met my friend Mr Garak. I'm glad he was able to entertain you for a while," the other doctor smirked.

Also: But could this new universe honestly survive them? No, it wouldn't. They'd be running that verse inside a couple of years, man. XD Hell, Jayne alone would send them running.

Date: 2005-09-03 07:15 am (UTC)
ext_18428: (need to be punished)
From: [identity profile] rivendellrose.livejournal.com
Whoops - thanks for catching that! *Headdesk*

I know, that's part of why I find this so damned amusing. They'd be fine - the ST 'verse is a hell of a lot less scary than anything they've been through, once they got over the "ohmigod there are aliens! thing. And once Mal and River both figured out the Federation wasn't necessarily out to get them. Mal'd still have his issues with authority... but with the exception of Sisko, I think he could kick the ass of any Starfleet captain who came within ten feet of him. And we know Wash could out-fly any of their pilots. Not to mention River and her scary brain once Federation science cured her in an hour like they always do.

Yeah... that 'verse isn't ready for our guys. But honestly? I think they could use a few Big Damned Heroes of this sort, to stir them up a bit. Keep 'em on their toes, stop them from being so damned sanctimonious and self-satisfied.

Date: 2005-09-03 04:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zinjadu.livejournal.com
No problem. ^_^

Yeah, I think Mal and Sisko would get on fine, actually. Picard, now that'd be someone Mal'd take issue with. Also, what would happen when Dax and Zoe met.... DOOM! XD

And you know you were dipping into Mal's speech pattern there, right? But yes, I agree. Every verse could use some Big Damn Heroes of their sort.

Date: 2005-09-03 04:42 pm (UTC)
ext_18428: (Default)
From: [identity profile] rivendellrose.livejournal.com
Heh. Mal and Sisko would get along really well, yeah. I could see them deciding that Starfleet just wasn't doing its damned job, and the whole thing would be a lot better if they ran it. And I'd agree with them. Dax and Zoe... that would be amazing.

Oh god. Mal meeting Picard. That's just disaster waiting to happen. The only way Picard would survive without the shit beat out of him would be if he had Worf right beside him. And if Mal had Jayne and Zoe.... *Ponders*

Yeah, I know. It happens. Once I get into a character's patterns, I start thinking in those patterns, and whatever else I write comes out that way.

Closest to the Firefly type of heroes were the Maquis from DS9 and Voyager. And look how fast those guys became boring and complacent when they got dropped off on Voyager. *Sad* And they were never as... colorful as the Firefly folks.

Date: 2005-09-03 04:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zinjadu.livejournal.com
Ha! XD Mal running ST'verse. So scary.

And keep in mind, Jayne fights dirty and Zoe... Zoe kicks so much ass its not funny.

*patpat* I thought I'd just mention it.

I don't think I remember those guys. But no, ST'verse is too sterile for anything as colorful as them.

Date: 2005-09-03 05:53 pm (UTC)
ext_18428: (need to be punished)
From: [identity profile] rivendellrose.livejournal.com
Yeah, Jayne and Zoe could kick the ass of pretty much anybody they wanted, I think.

It's weird, I know. I used to get stuck thinking in iambic pentameter while I was in Shakespeare class... you have no idea how bizarre that could be sometimes.

The other half of the crew from Voyager - B'elanna and all them. That was like "omigod ST tries to be colorful and non-PC... and fails miserably."

Date: 2005-09-03 06:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zinjadu.livejournal.com
*points to icon* Yeah, baby!

No, it happens to me too. There was the week I couldn't get out of talking in an Irish accent. It was like I was trapped. It was freaky. I was sure I was gonna start requesting good beer and whiskey soon. o_O

Oh yeah, I forgot what they were called. Yeah, they were cool for a while, until they started sucking. 9_9 Though to this day, I like still like that part of the crew the best, plust Paris and the hologram doctor. And Seven of Nine. She was funny.

And, uh, *cough* I gotta couple more fics for you to look over if you've got the time. I'm still not quite to the point where I can catch all the mistakes on my own, but at least I'm getting better. ^^;;;;;

Date: 2005-09-03 06:42 pm (UTC)
ext_18428: (need to be punished)
From: [identity profile] rivendellrose.livejournal.com
I got stuck in a Mississippi accent for an evening, once, when I was practicing for a play. It was in my head almost all the time at that point, but that was the only time I actually couldn't stop using it.

Yup. The doctor was totally my favorite. I had quite a while where I'd watch only if it was an ep about him...

Holy crap! You're really moving on these things lately... okay, send 'em on over and I'll see when I can get to them.

(*Just got giddy all over again about us having a Jayne for the premiere!*)

Date: 2005-09-03 06:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zinjadu.livejournal.com
Yeah, it's kind of crazy when that happens. o_O

Heh, why am I not surprised? While not cute like the other two doctors you like, the same kind of personality is there.

I know! I was horribly attacked by plot bunnies, they kept biting and gnawing until I was infected with ideas! O_O They're for FMA, but no spoilers, so you're safe. ^_^

(I know! It's gonna be so friggin' awesome!)

And could you check out my LJ? My background picture and mood pictures aren't showing up. >_>

Date: 2005-09-03 06:52 pm (UTC)
ext_18428: (Default)
From: [identity profile] rivendellrose.livejournal.com
Your mood pictures are showing fine, from what I can see, but your background seems to be gone. LJ's probably have a spaz-fit over so much activity, lately.

So you're saying I have a thing for doctors? Hmm... Possibly. I think it more likely that I just have a thing for snark. And for really cute, intelligent, dark-haired young men. *g*

Date: 2005-09-03 06:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zinjadu.livejournal.com
God damn it. Well, if it's not back in a couple of days I'm really gonna be upset cause I've gotten pretty damn attached to having that picture there. *sulk*

I know, I think I could go through a crowd of men and pick out your type on command. XP

Date: 2005-09-03 07:04 pm (UTC)
ext_18428: (Default)
From: [identity profile] rivendellrose.livejournal.com
No kidding. Heh. And awesome icon.

Most of my friends can. I'm easy to predict.

Speaking of which, Viggo Mortensen is my hero for new and even-more-special-than-usual reasons. *Joy*

Date: 2005-09-03 07:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zinjadu.livejournal.com
Then have another look at it. =D

He is? What'd he do?

Date: 2005-09-03 07:09 pm (UTC)
ext_18428: (need to be punished)
From: [identity profile] rivendellrose.livejournal.com
That deserves a "guh."

This: http://percevalpress.com/home.html?-session=pp_sc:4551F1DAAF86CF979C13AC19399030B3

I reposted in my latest entry, after being linked by a friend. Way to use celebrity for something good, Viggo. And way to remind us all why he was a perfect casting choice as Aragorn, too. *Swoons*

Date: 2005-09-03 07:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zinjadu.livejournal.com
I'd vote for him. Viggo for President!♥

Date: 2005-09-03 07:38 pm (UTC)
ext_18428: (need to be punished)
From: [identity profile] rivendellrose.livejournal.com
He's one crazy old artist, but yeah. We could use his kind of crazy right about now.

Big Damn Hero is right. ;)

Date: 2005-09-03 07:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zinjadu.livejournal.com
I very much agree. I'd rather have some crazy old artist than Bush the Man-Ape-Gone-Wrong-Thing-But-Way-Worse-Than-Jayne.

I figured it fit well. ^_^ Cause I don't have an icon of him right when he's going "For Frodo" in front of the Black Gate.

Date: 2005-09-03 07:48 pm (UTC)
ext_18428: (Poke it)
From: [identity profile] rivendellrose.livejournal.com
*Snerks* That's so Bush.

I think I'm going to be reviving one of my old RotK icons, or making a new one if I can't find an old one that suits. "From the ashes a fire shall be woken," certainly fits the national hope at the moment.

Date: 2005-09-03 07:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zinjadu.livejournal.com
Dang skippy. I really gotta go through the RotK caps I have laying around somewhere...

Oh! And I sent the fics to you, if you haven't checked lately. ^_^

Date: 2005-09-03 07:58 pm (UTC)
ext_18428: (Default)
From: [identity profile] rivendellrose.livejournal.com
Mm, me too.

Okay, cool. I'm headed out to the farmer's market in a minute, but I'll see about them when I get back.

Date: 2005-09-03 08:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zinjadu.livejournal.com
I think I'm gonna go do that, then. ^_^ If I make a couple I'll post them for you to take a look at.

Whoo! No rush, I just didn't want them to get buried in your inbox.

Date: 2005-09-03 03:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] narsilion.livejournal.com
That was so great. They all fit together so well, it's like they belong together. Are you going to write more? Maybe about the chat between Garek and River? And more with Julian, Simon, and Garek? Maybe when Kaylee and Kira meet? Oohh, how about when Jayne and Kira meet, THAT ought to be interesting.

Date: 2005-09-03 03:39 pm (UTC)
ext_18428: (Default)
From: [identity profile] rivendellrose.livejournal.com
I'm a little scared of the idea of Jayne meeting Kira or Dax - either would certainly be interesting, especially Kira. Sure, he's used to Zoe, but he's used to Zoe putting up with him. She thinks it's funny. Kira... not so much.

I'm thinking about it, definitely. It's basically a thing where if more comes, I'll write it.

Date: 2005-09-04 08:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coramegan.livejournal.com
Oh WOW! That's wonderful and amazing! You need to write more of this crossover, there's too much fun and mischief possible! I'm so happy I could be helpful.

The interactions between River and Garak, Simon and Julian are just darling. It's just lovely and so fun and I love your River. :-) <3

Date: 2005-09-04 05:04 pm (UTC)
ext_18428: (need to be punished)
From: [identity profile] rivendellrose.livejournal.com
YAY! I'm so glad you liked it! I know, it's waaaay too much fun - the two sets of characters just seem to fit together really well.

I'm especially pleased that you think River's coming across right. She's one of the characters I struggle the most with, because her dialogue is so peculiar and her thought patterns can be so hard to follow/come up with.

...Darn it, I really do need to do more with this. Hmm....

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