(no subject)

[rivendellrose]

Why? Because I'm sleepy and I love memes. Gacked from perchta:


1. Who was your first prom date?
I actually only had one - my friend Ron. He was a year ahead of me in school, so I went to his (he wore a 19th century style suit complete with cane and top hat, and I would have gone in a taupe Italian Renaissance style gown, but it turned out to be too frayed so at the last minute I had to borrow a pale green dress from a friend, which turned out to be too long on me even in my highest heels), and he went to mine. Nothing much to say about mine except that I made the mistake of dying my hair the day before, and ended up with hair that was nearly traffic-cone orange. Lovely combination with my dark blue dress. :P

2. Who was your first roommate?
I had two - a really nice girl from Chicago, and a really annoying girl from... California? Something like that. She was always having tons of people over, and had the most irritating laugh ever. And constantly left her cellphone around. It played Mexican Hat Dance, and I frequently wanted to kill her for it.

3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time?
Heh. Okay, the first time I got reeeeally drunk, I had a whole bunch of stuff. An Orgasm, a martini, a bit of a vodka-cran... umm... hell, let's just stick with "a lot of stuff."

4. What was your first job?
Stocking/recovery girl at a Big Lots. Really cheap wholesale place.

5. What was your first car?
First and only - chocolate brown 1980 diesel Mercedes, aka "the gutless wonder," aka "Benny the Super Benz."

6. When did you go to your first funeral?
I think I was about eight.

7. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?
Depends on what you call a hometown, but from 6-17 I never really left Issaquah for any amount of time.

8. Who was your first grade teacher?
I had two of them (double classrooms were in vogue in my district at that time) - Mrs Smith and Mrs... Walsh?

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
Boston! It was a red-eye, we went through a thunderstorm, and I couldn't sleep. But the Indian couple next to me were extremely nice and friendly, and I got to know several of the girls I was going to school with on the flight, which was awesome.

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
I don't think I've ever actually snuck out of the house. I had to break in to my current house one time, when one of our friends accidentally locked me out... I had to climb in our bathroom window, which had luckily been left open a bit.

11. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends?
My first best friend was Emily - we met in kindergarten and were friends on and off all the way through highschool. We took our senior trip together, the whole deal. I went to her graduation last year, but we don't so much have anything in common anymore.

12. Where was your first sleepover?
Emily's, unsurprisingly. I was never very good at sleeping away from home when I was little, though.

13. Who is the first person you call when you have a problem?
Depending on the problem (and failing getting an answer from the housemates), either my mom or my dad.

14. Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or groomsmen?
I actually haven't been, really! Well, not since I was something like seven, anyway - that doesn't really count.

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning?
Usually, talk to the cat. Because he's always getting in my way when I'm trying to get up.

16. What was the first concert you ever went to?
Hmmm. Actually, I think the first ever was the Seattle Symphony - I went with a friend and her parents when we were something like eleven.

17. First tattoo or piercing?
My ears - my mom had them pierced when I was... two and a half?

18. First celebrity crush?
Oh, wow. Ummm... I'm sure it was something horribly geeky, but I can't seem to figure out who it would've been. I should say that I crush on characters, not actors... but I've always had a weird little thing for Liam Neeson. I'm sure there was one before him, but I can't think who, really.

19. Age of first real kiss with tongue?
*Mumbles* Eighteen...

20. First crush?
A very nice and very very gay boy in our highschool theater group. I had a knack for picking the gay boys before I developed a reliable ability to actually notice that they were gay. >_>

21. First REAL love?
I'm tempted to say that I haven't really been in real love. I've definitely been in lust that won't go away. But love? Not sure. If I absolutely had to pick someone, I'd probably say Derek.

ETA: Just a note - woah, my Winamp playlist is on some kind of depressive kick. First "Hallelujah," which always makes me wibbly, and then "The End of the World." Not the happy REM one, mind you - this is the Vonda Shepard version that people who watched Ally McBeal back in the 90s will remember as THE sad ballad for the first few seasons. o_O I shall not fall prey to the sappy sad music!!!

Comments

[narsilion.livejournal.com]

Did you go Contra dancing tonight?

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

No, I decided to skip it tonight - Erin and I were both feeling too tired to really get into it tonight.

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

I shall not fall prey to the sappy sad music!!!
Do I need to post more stuff to nog.net/~cyrano/sounds (:

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

*Laughs* No, I just skipped until it got back to something cheerful. Silly Winamp never following what I want it to play! ;)

[reve-lucide.livejournal.com]

Oh god ... Hallelujah is just -- awesome. Breathtaking. All that stuff. May I point you in the direction of an exceedingly beautiful version by my all-time favorite musician, Regina Spektor?

clicky.

Chelsea Hotel is pretty amazing too, if you like her sound. It's also a Leonard Cohen cover (he wrote Hallelujah as well), and the third song on the page is a Madonna cover. Now I am so not a Madonna fan, but this version is good as well. Regina can do no wrong. ^_^

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Oooo, that is interesting! I've never heard of Spektor before, but she's got a lovely voice. "Haunting" is definitely the word for it, from what I've heard so far.

[reve-lucide.livejournal.com]

Oh, Regina is glorious! Those 3 songs are actually the only covers I've ever heard her do -- the rest are originals. reginaspektor.net has a whole bunch of live stuff if you want to hear more. I warn you -- she's what you could call "different", but once you find one or two songs that suck you in, you're hooked. It's all I listened to for like six months straight (my hubby just *loved* that!) when I first got into her music. I've honestly never heard anything like it in my life, and I'm not usually all that into "girl singers". Download "Loveology" and "All the Rowboats" and "Baobabs" and "Time is All Around" and "On the Radio" for a good intro to Regina.

OK, no more babbling in your comments. Just listen. ^_^

#19

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

Does it make you feel better that I'll be 23 in July and am hesitant to consider any of the few kisses I've had "real" kisses and haven't had any with tongue (wait, was there tongue with that guy in Oxford? if we are counting that one, I had just recently turned 20)? And dude, 4 years at Smith, queer the whole time, and no play for me? I lose.

Re: #19

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I was only really embarassed by my age on that one because the girl I gacked the meme from had her first 'real' kiss at 14. Made me feel like an old maid writing out my answer in place of hers... but, hey, it's not a race.

Four years at Smith without any action is kind of sad, if only because of the missed opportunities. I kind of feel the same way about my 5 years at UW - I had a bit of play in there, but I'm still feeling kind of like "wow, I'm coming up on 24 with so little experience in the relationship department that almost might as well be still in highschool. Am I emotionally stunted, or what?"

Re: #19

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I used to comfort myself with reminders that when one is a grown-up in a permanent relationship one is not likely to be bemoaning the fact that one wasn't a hot player as a teen.

Part of the problem is that *I* am so picky, so the pool of who I am attracted to is small; and then there's the compounding factor of "Is she queer?" and the fact that I think I read as straight ('cause I don't look stereotypically dykey and am not super-out). But yeah, missed opportunities. The one girl I had a serious crush on in college I wish I had at least found out if she was queer or not (I suspected but really wasn't sure) and/or had more of an effort to get to know her as a person (that's really my big regret through, like, life).

I am socially awkward (one of the big factors in my lack of relationship-having-ness) but I totally wouldn't list "emotionally stunted" as a reason for either of us. High standards, poor pool to choose from, lots of other options.

Re: #19

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I certainly hope one doesn't. ;)

Exactly. I mean, the field is somewhat broadened for me because I'm attracted to both men and women, but there are pretty specific 'types' for both. And, like you, I have trouble with people reading me as completely straight. Hell, the night my ex-girlfriend and I kissed for the first time, my two lesbian friends who were out with us were both totally boggled and went into this whole "but but but - we thought you were straight!!!" I understand where they were coming from, but... it makes things trickier.

I'm kind of socially "blah" more than awkward - just confident enough to make vague overtures and occasionally able to screw up a little more forwardness, but not much. And, at this point, completely frustrated, which makes it hard to put myself out there again. Hell, I'm not even sure which direction I should be focusing in, anymore - most of the time I figure "go with men, it's the default, it'll be easier," but lately I've wondered if that's not a really stupid way of running my life. There's all kinds of social baggage and stereotypes attached to being bi that I don't really want to deal with, but there's interest there, and I've come to the point of accepting that part of me (finally). Hell if I know. It's fecking confusing.

Re: #19

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

I'm actaully bi, too :) [I self-identify as queer but often say "bi" -- despite its dichotomous problematics -- because it gets across most easily to people the fact that I'm not just attracted to women.] This actually makes it more difficult to be out without more fanfarey declarations because since I do like guys when I'm asked if I've met any nice guys or whatever I have to go out of my way to say "No, and I haven't met any nice girls either" (which I am too cowardly to do) rather than being able to say "Actually, I'm not looking for guys."

I'm not leaning particularly to one side or the other currently and honestly right now would mostly just like to cultivate the friendships I have (aided by moving into the city).

Re: #19

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

And there I go doing exactly what we're talking about - completely neglecting bisexuality as a possibility during a conversation. :P As I just accidentally proved, it's a hell of a lot easier for people to assume one way or another than for them to go to the effort of dealing with subtleties in between.

Even for issues of self-identification and rhetoric it's problematic - once you don't have the "but I don't like boys (or girls)" argument to stand on, it's hard to 'justify' the decision to date the same sex, even to one's own mind. Am I doing it for attention? Am I just curious? Just playing the field in an unfair way? Hurting somebody because I'm not really gay, so it can't be permanent? And it becomes really difficult to argue with the oft-repeated statement that homosexuality is a lifestyle and/or choice (and therefore okay to disagree with or even condemn in the same way as people who... smoke, or steal or something) when technically, yes, it is a choice for me. That's been a problem for me, since my stepmom is one of those quietly intolerant but oh-so-polite people who like to say that they "disagree with that lifestyle." Despite it being kind of funny to watch her jaw hit the floor when I told her I was dating a girl, I can't say it's not uncomfortable to deal with. I can exactly pull the "nobody would choose to deal with the kind of shit people get for being gay" argument if I do choose to deal with it - I'm happy dating men. I'm just also happy dating women, when the socio-cultural baggage isn't dragging around my neck. And even when it is, I'd like to think that I'm not the kind of weak-willed person who'd just back off because of it.

I wish I could be that enlightened about relationships. I try to convince myself that I am, occasionally, but it usually doesn't last long. I'm weak - I like being in a relationship, I miss the validation, and I'm lonely. I'm not pleased with that part of myself, but that's the way it is at the moment.

Re: #19

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

I mostly wasn't attracted to people period throughout my adolescence (I suspect that hormonal aspect developed relatively late for me, plus I've never really liked or felt particularly connected to most people) so I would have defined myself as asexual for much of my adolescence. I had my first serious crush on a guy when I was in 9th grade. I had my first major crush on a girl when I was in 12th grade, and had recently read the essay I linked to in my above comment, so I was like "Oh, I'm queer, okay." I knew my parents would be fine with it (though being my confrontation-phobic self it took me forever to tell them).

We make choices all the time about engaging in relationships (do I make out with the drunk guy on the train? do I invite the cute girl in my English class out for coffee?) and I don't think that makes bisexuality a choice anymore than heterosexuality (or homosexuality). There are so many factors beyond the gendered ones that play into my attraction to a person (and the gendered factors themselves are so varied and layered).

Re: #19

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I'm the exact opposite, on that - at some level or another, I've always been crushing on people and fascinated by love as a concept, a trope, all of that. Completely love-crazy, it's just one of those weird little quirks.

That's very true. And as hard as it is to meet people of either sex who click, it's certainly something of a relief to have broadened that field just the tiniest bit more, assuming I ever get up the nerve to try asking a girl out (bloody unlikely - I'm even less sexually aggressive with women than I am with men), or get asked out by someone who actually has the knack to see through the apparent straight-camouflage. ;)

Re: #19

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

In recent years I've been much more with the crushing. My default is indifference/hostility towards people (I'm perfectly civil and polite, of course) but I tend to fall hard for people. Logic-oriented me is always of mixed feelings about the whole thing, and I don't have any deep interest in love as concept/trope etc. -- not that I avoid dealing with the idea (I write/read lots of fic about romantic/sexual relationships in a variety of permutations) I just wouldn't list it as something of deep interest to me.

I'm a big fan (in theory, as I haven't done any of this in actuality) of asking people out in a friendly capacity and progressing from there. Though once I move into the city I would like to try out this actual dating thing.

Re: #19

[reve-lucide.livejournal.com]

Sorry to interrupt a discussion that I'm obviously not involved in, but I just had to say something. I, too, am physically and emotionally attracted to girls, maybe even more so than I am attracted to guys. Strangely enough, though, I am married to a guy. What does this have to do with what you're talking about here?

Well, I'm attracted to those that I am attracted to, if that makes any sense. I didn't choose to be more attracted to females in general, just like I didn't choose to fall in love with my husband. I'm assuming that when you date girls, you do it because you feel an attraction to that specific person, and when you date guys, same thing. So it's only a choice because you're choosing to follow through on your own feelings and attractions, which isn't really a choice at all, in my opinion.

Doesn't matter what you label yourself, or what others label you ... as long as you're true to yourself and your own wants, you won't tread on anybody's feet.

Re: #19

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Don't be sorry at all, I'm glad you jumped in - what you've said has given me some good food for thought.

What you just outlined is pretty much the philosophy I've always leaned toward, when I'm honest with myself - the gender doesn't matter, it's the person who is attractive. The trouble I started having during and after the relationship with my first girlfriend was that I realized that's not really how most people take it. And being the kind of person I am, crazy over how people percieve me, I did get a little freaked out by that. Culture is a funny old thing, and it got under my skin without my even really knowing about it. I think I'm finally getting over that, at least. Hell of a process, though.

In the end, it all comes down to being hopeful that I can find someone, of either sex, with whom things click in the right way. It's always a relief to hear from someone who's managed it, so thank you. *g*

Re: #19

[reve-lucide.livejournal.com]

... that's not really how most people take it.

You're absolutely right, and I honestly can't say that it would have been as easy for me to settle on that one person if he was instead a she, and if my choice was less socially acceptable because of it. (Socially acceptable isn't exactly what I'm trying to say here, but I'm not sure of a better way to put it.)

In the end, I just ended up with the person I ended up with. It wasn't a decision, really == just did what came natural and felt right. And the time will come when you'll feel that same way, and you'll wonder what exactly you were worried about. ^_^

Staying together, on the other hand -- that actually IS a conscious decision that has to be made at some point, or you just won't. One thing at a time, though. :P

Re: #19

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I'll just take a minute to be totally distracted by your icon... oh, Zoe. Totally the most gorgeous woman imaginable. ♥

It was kind of surreal, because I'd always sort of... unconsciously figured that I would be able to handle dating a woman without the slightest qualm, but when I actually did, I found that it did sort of bother me to deal with people's impressions - not the general public, but my family and such. It's not like they're intolerant bastards, but some of them weren't exactly thrilled either.

You've really hit the most important point, though - when it happens, it happens, and that also goes for who it happens with. I really need to just drop the over-analysis habit and take things as they come. ;)