"why is the rum always gone?"

[rivendellrose]

Today was a very pirate-filled day. Went to Alki beach to see the Seafair pirates land with pretty much the whole usual crew (whee!) and then came home, took a few hours' break, made pina coladas, got back into the costumes (expect pictures later, although perhaps more-later than I'd like since my camera is still one of those strange things called a non-digital) I'd worn earlier, and went back out with maymargaret to see the infamous pirate movie.

Oh. My. God.

Now, it must first be said - I love me a good, rollicking action-fantasy/sci-fi-adventure movie. There is pretty much no kind of movie I love more, in fact. And this was absolutely no exception.

I'm not sure what was going through the head of whoever wrote this movie, but whatever it is... they need to do more of it. The movie was fabulous. Horribly funny, for one thing - all the sly references, complete randomness, and hilarity of the first movie, with lots of action, plenty of amazing action scenes, fabulous special effects, and really amazing twists and turns. Everything that people who loved the first movie loved about it, and then more of it piled on top, and a bit extra for garnish.



This movie actually made me like Keira Knightly. This is pretty tricky, since usually my reaction to her falls somewhere between "meh" and "pretty bitch," depending on my mood and how vindictive I'm feeling about her perfect skin and entirely-too-symmetrical features. Now, while I still walked away shouting "Bitch!" it was with affection this time. No, really. And a fair amount more jealousy than usual, which tells you something. Point number one is that Elizabeth Swann may have some flaws, but she's a heroine who does stuff. Yes, she's on the verge of becoming a Mary Sue, but I find that I just don't give a damn. Because, and it shames me to admit this, I have discovered that I have a thing for cross-dressed girls. Elizabeth in a dress leaves me entirely cold, but Elizabeth messed up wearing 18th century boys' clothes? Don't mind if I do.

I'm a horrible, shallow person. But I really do like that she doesn't take shit from either Jack or Will. Or anybody else, for that matter. A character after my own heart.

Speaking of which, oh, Jack. Oh, Captain Jack. Are there even words for my love for Johnny Depp? I love the drunken walk, the way he has of telegraphing absolutely everything, the voice, the expressions... everything. Such an anti-hero. Such a completely self-centered berk. Such a horribly wonderful, wonderfully horrible man... with a good heart that he fights every inch of the way. (Here come the spoiers, folks!) When he checks the compass that one last time and turns back to the Pearl as it's under attack... and then at the end. Entirely betrayed and defeated, he went down with sword in hand, true to his deepest self. I felt so proud for him. And horrified, mind you. But still proud. And, randomly, I really liked the bit in Tortuga when he just sort of... saunters through a raging bar fight, trying on the hats of nearly every man in the house as he goes.

(An aside: I very nearly paid an obscene amount of money for that hat today, at Alki. No, really. $85 dollars for a tricorn brown leather hat. And let me tell you, I was tempted. The only thing that saved me was knowing I'd barely ever have a chance to wear it. But oh... it was a very fine hat.)

And what shall I say of the movie's damsel in distress? Poor Will. He's such a pretty, pretty boy. And oh, how they love to tie him up, get him kidnapped, hold him down, rip his shirt off, and whip him. With very suggestive focus on his face, and cutting to the appreciative eyes of Davy Jones. I felt a bit the voyeur in that scene, I must say. I can only imagine the fanfic that's being written at this very moment. It's the tentacle porn for poor little Will, I'm afraid. Fortunately, Elizabeth and Jack will always come to the rescue.

I know, I know - I don't do poor little Will justice. I blame the lovely shoulder-length curls, the big brown puppy eyes, and the fact that he's still just so expressive. What can I do in the face of such prettiness? Oh, right - mock him. Anyway, he's still the earnest puppy-dog that I imagine I might totally dislike if he weren't so well balanced by Jack and Elizabeth... that and the fact that he's so good at being earnest that it's almost impossible to disbelieve him, or dislike him. I really do like the poor bastard, I just can't resist making fun of him. And the eunuch thing? I'm glad to say they only played it once - it was well done, I was glad to see it again, but I was also relieved that it didn't come up too much. At the risk of being stoned by the loyal Discworld fans in the crowd, Will sort of reminds me of Carrot. Impossibly earnest and determined to believe the best of people, and he seems to be a natural-born leader. Just... not quite as much as Elizabeth is. (There's that Mary Sue thing, again...)

Davy Jones and his crew are delightfully creepy, and eery-familiar to anyone well acquainted with sea life. The CG on Cthulu Jones himself is amazing, twining and twisting and ever-moving just like an octopus ought to be, and I'm astonished and impressed to say that one really can see Bill Nighy's unforgettable style and mannerisms under all of that. Talk about a character actor... and such a fun one. I love the little touches all through the crew, like the barnacle that opens and closes on Bootstrap Bill's cheek, and the wonderful, wonderful trick of the pirate whose head is a conch. When it turned out to be a giant hermit crab instead of the expected snail, I squealed. That was a fabulous trick.

The East India Trading Company men. So... big business = evil. Yeah. We get it. *Yawns* I'm sure they're supposed to be creepy and conniving and scarily behind-it-all, playing everyone against each other, but... please. Done, done, and done.

Poor Governor Swann. He just keeps getting laid lower. I wonder what they'll do with that in the last movie of the trilogy? I'm glad they made him a bit less the ohmigod-so-modern dad, in this movie, and I'm also glad that they didn't take more time with him than was necessary, nor change the fact that he doesn't give a damn for anybody except Elizabeth.

The usual pirates were, as usual, very entertaining. I especially like Gibbs, just for the fact that he's so... real. I get the sense that, of all of them, he's the most grounded, and most the 'common man.' Also, the two pirates from the first movie (eye-guy and his buddy) are hilarious. The "Kray-ken or Krah-ken?" made me laugh in a way only a linguistics-fan would, and they pull the usual "stupid guy makes deep remarks" jokes without seeming overdone. And they're perfectly, obviously in it just for themselves. So fun.

The surprise love of the movie? Norrington. Poor kicked puppy. I admit it, I have a deep fondness for the downtrodden, world-weary man of nobility who just can't stand any more of what the world dishes out to him. Yeah, he's a bit of a baddie... but I really do feel bad for the poor guy. Also, he looks really hot without the white wig, and the stubble? Damn. It never fails. Anyhow, I'd never thought they were going to do more with that character, so I was thrilled to see him again, and see the consequences of what happened in the last movie. That goes for everything - yay for a movie series that admits "oh, yeah... this is going to have consequences."

And what will be the consequences of the end of this movie? How will poor little Will live knowing that his knight in shining armour/lady fair has kissed the dashing pirate? How will Elizabeth live with herself knowing that she kissed Jack as a distraction so she could shackle him to the mast of his doomed ship and surrender him to Davy Jones? How will Jack get out of the belly of the kraken? Only one thing is certain... there will be astronomical, nay mythic sulking involved on the parts of both Will and Elizabeth. Thank the gods for Jack, who is too world-wise and unrepentant to sulk. Besides, you can't tell me for a moment that the compass meant the ship as his heart's desire... I'm looking forward to the scene where the threesome is reunited. The only question is, now that kissing has happened on two sides of the triangle, how will Disney manage to hold off on that socially-taboo but so very obvious third kiss? Now, you all know me - I'm only a slasher when it's there in front of me. It takes subtext as heavy as the kitchen sink to make me go "hmm... so that's it, huh?" And even here, I'm not proposing slash exactly, per se. I'm saying that the only answer to this trilogy is a proper threesome. I can't bear to see any two of them parted from the other. So Disney'd better have it in mind to keep Will and Elizabeth together with Jack, in the end. That's the only answer, after all of this.

Edit: Icon(s) achieved (see changed icon on post), and you know what? I forgot to mention one of my favorite moments in the whole movie! When Jack shows the (rather hairy) "black spot" on his hand, while Gibbs and the others are freaking out, spitting, and turning clockwise to ward off the evil, Jack looks at his hand and says, "My eyesight's as good as ever, if you're curious." I ♥ old wives' tales. And also, of course, Jack.

Uber-spoiler - Read no further if you don't want the last second of the movie spoiled!!!

* * *

* * *

And bringing back Barbarossa at the end? I'm curious to see how they'll make it work, but it's delightful. Geoffrey Rush bites that green apple with such gusto.

I'm off to find screencaps, curse it all. I really need a Captain Jack icon. XD

Comments

[kjog.livejournal.com]

Bravo!

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Wheee!

[bluerose16.livejournal.com]

askhdajdhkjh I know what you mean about the very, very ending. Also, Will is such a natural born sub, isn't he? That whole whipping scene was utterly obscene, and nautally I adored it. They just wanted his shirt off. >__>

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Ohgodyes he's such an uke. And I love that that's something about him that's been consistent all this time. And sure, I know they'll take any chance to get him wet, or rip his shirt off, or... whatever, but that was just so blatant. It was like a bodice-ripper cover, in reverse, and then the phallic appearance of the bull-whip handle, and the whipping scene itself... yeah. XD

[narsilion.livejournal.com]

Why IS the rum always gone? HeeHee!
I can't wait to see it!

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I can't wait for you to see it; it's going to be really hard for me not to spoil you on anything!

[ciara-belle.livejournal.com]

Hee, see, this is why I can't review the movie properly. Everyone on my f-list has already said it for me. ^^ I agree totally. I love where Norrington's character has gone, Johnny Depp was his usual amazing self (and man, do I love anti-heroes) and Geoffrey Rush is back! I *heart* him too. I had heard before the movie that he was coming back, but I honestly forgot that he was.

Captain Jack again had so many little awesome moments. And that fight scene at the end between the three men! I was literally squealing with delight at that.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

But I want to see how you'd say it all!!! ♥

I'm so impressed with the way they took Norrington, who really was a throwaway sort of character in the first movie, and made him into something genuine and interesting. I can't wait to see where he ends up. And you're so right about the three-way fight. I mean, really - in the first movie it was fabulous to watch Will and Jack fight, but adding in another attractive man? Perfect! And Elizabeth screaming at them about what idiots they are... and then trying fainting to distract them. It made a twisted sort of sense, in the context of the first movie, but all I could think was "oh, honey... it only works if they're already sort of looking at you. They're kind of... distracted, right now."

[miss-arel.livejournal.com]

See, that was more or less my reaction to the whole thing, only you're much more coherent. And you use, like, sentences and stuff. Brava. :D

Norrington is so much sexy hobo love. He's like Scar, in a way, without the religiosity. He and Jack and Will are so DUMB sometimes. XD Can't really blame Elizabeth for throwing rocks at the silly boys.

I really liked Elizabeth and Will a lot more this time around. Elizabeth especially. I really like that she has a dark side, cos you don't see that very much with Disney women: they're always either princesses, or witches.

Speaking of witches, what did you think of Tia Dalma? Seems the theory is that she's Jones's untameable lover.

Geoffery Rush is SO MUCH LOVE. I peeked at the IMDB page before I saw the film and found out he was in it, and I was STILL all a-squee when he walked onstage. Oh my God, LOVE.

Also...

"Look! Undead monkey!"
"...The trade is fair."
♥!

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Me, coherent? About Johnny Depp? Wow, I'm flattered! XD

*Thinks about Norrington bringing a-religiosity to the fuzzy-wuzzies being all hobo-y* Yeah, he's pretty much sexy. And they're all sooooo dumb, but so cute about it. Elizabeth is the only character with an ounce of common sense, and I love that about her. You really don't see enough Disney women with anything close to a dark side, and Elizabeth... oh, does she ever have one. Selfish much? She didn't even think about what might happen to her daddy when she left! And yet, as you said, I find that I love her for it. And leaving Jack... as much as it makes me sort of annoyed with her, I could understand it completely. She knew he was to blame for everything they were going through, knew he wouldn't do right on his own, and she was desperate. It was a sensible, horrible, human decision to have to make.

Tia Dalma = ♥. I don't necessarily buy that she's Jones' lover (although that'd be an interesting twist, wouldn't it?), but she's definitely a fascinating character, and the accent! Eeeee. So pretty and lovely-sounding and very very no-nonsense. Sort of a young Granny Weatherwax, with tattoos. XD

He's just plain awesome. If I had ever known that he was coming back, I had forgotten completely, so I was aghast, agog and all those other wonderful shocked words when he tromped down the stairs.

And yes. The undead monkey. Who I fear may eventually be a salient plot-twist... I wonder if the monkey is how Dalma managed to bring him back, somehow?

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Damn it, the cross-through messed up what I said up there - I meant a-religiousity, not "a religiosity." Because poor Norrington, he is broken, and I doubt he is much with god or God or anything at the moment. And for that, I love him all the more. XD

[miss-arel.livejournal.com]

*nod* Exactly. Elizabeth is very realistically flawed and human, she's neither demonized nor put on a pedastal, and I really like that about her. Although when she betrayed Sparrow at the end, I remember thinking, 'hoboy, the fandom is gonna crucify her for this...' 'Course, I've been out of town for a few days, so I can't be sure if I'm right or not. I found both her and Will to be much more appealing this time around. ♥ And I like that Elizabeth was the Damsel in Distress in the first movie, Will was the DOD in the second, and it looks like Jack will be filling that role in the third. Brings everything full-circle, like.

...There needs to be a Tia Dalma "I can't be having with this" icon now. I need it like burning.

About the monkey... I remember, when Big Jack first brought Little Jack to Tia Dalma and she let him out of his cage, he immediately made for the other room, and was shown perched on the boot of a man lying on the floor (but you never saw anything above the guy's knees.) But five'll get you ten that those boots are Barbossa's. So I'm guessing Tia Dalma was working on a little necromancy and whatnot before the monkey showed up. (I'll be seeing the movie again this weekend, so I'll double-check.)

Also, with regards to the OT3-ness... I loved, loved, loved how, in the beginning, both Elizabeth and Will correct the EIT guy automatically. "Captain Jack Sparrow!" *wiggles*

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

She is! I admit, I was briefly mad at her for betraying Jack, but only because I love Jack - it's a totally understandable and reasonable thing for her to do, I just felt sorry for the poor bastard. The thing that saves it is that Jack, naturally, understood exactly why she was doing it. I felt worse when Jack betrayed Will, honestly, because Will isn't capable of understanding something like that, or of expecting it, whereas Jack would have done exactly the same thing in Elizabeth's position. They really are so much alike. ♥

And you're right about the damsel thing! I hadn't thought of it that way, but it really is exactly perfect. Oh, I love these movies so much.

...You're right. I'll put that on my list of things to do when I get home. XD

I cannot believe that I missed that. See, this is why I need to see the movie again (well... aside from the fact that I LOVE IT). I missed so many details! I wonder, then... was Tia expecting them to need Barbarossa all along? She must've known that Jack would be taken, and that they'd come back to her... ee. I'm getting so much love for her over all of this.

Exactly. That was such a perfect, concise way to show their relationship with him!

[miss-arel.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Exactly, exactly, exactly. I wish she didn't have to do what she did, but I understand why she did it. ♥ Poor Jack. And poor Elizabeth; I liked that they showed her feeling awful about it afterwards. And Will being Will, big stupid woobie that he is. Oh, so much love.

It didn't click with me that the guy on the floor was Barbossa until hecame down the stairs at the end. At first I'd just figured, "Oh, Tia Dalma has a dead guy in her house" and dismissed it. (I mean, come on, she has eyeballs in jars hanging from her ceiling.) But yes, it does make one wonder how much of what happened she actually anticipated. She is clairvoyant, after all, it's just a question of to what extent. She certainly didn't seem surprised by any of what happened.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I so didn't even register that they were boots. Shows how good I am at paying attention. :P

No, she didn't seem surprised by any of it... with the exception of Will. She did seem surprised by him, but maybe that's just something that she could only know by looking him in the eyes. Destiny, huh? I wonder what that's all about. Aside from trying to divert our attention back to Will, that is. Poor woobie is supposed to be the hero, I know, but it's hard to pay attention to him with Jack around.

...Now that I think about it, I wonder if the whole 'destiny' thing isn't just about his oath to free his father/defeat Davy Jones? That would make sense, in that it'd consequently free all the other guys Davy's got, and possibly do other interesting things along the way/in consequence. Maybe it's just my image of Tia, but I bet she's been wanting to see Davy go down for a while, might've had this in mind from the beginning. Or maybe I just like to imagine that she's the moving power behind the whole thing. ;)

[diea.livejournal.com]

*has not read spoilery review*

I'm really excited about this movie. I didn't think I was going to be able to see it b/c I'm rather low on cash right now, but my boyfriend mentioned seeing it on Tuesday. It'll be awesome if it turns out that we can.

*squee*

(and after I see PotC3 I can direct all of my movie anticipation to Snakes on a Plane)

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Awesome! I'm glad you didn't read the review - I'd hate to spoil you for all the fun! XD

Best of luck on getting to see the movie! And oh, Snakes on a Plane. What a cultural phenomena that whole thing is turning into!

[meevish.livejournal.com]

I'm basically your second brain when it comes to your opinions on this movie. [luff]

And lulz @ (eye-guy and his buddy)

And omg wasn't Davy Jones creepy when Will was getting whipped!?!? Like, it wasn't creepy like, "oh, he's a sadist." It was creepy like, "OMG HE'S GOING TO RAPE WILL TONIGHT ISN'T HE? ISN'T HE!?!?!? :O!!"

And am I the only one who liked Norrington in the first movie as well!? I'm so glad they sexed him up in this one so he gets the love he deserves!! I hated how they tried to villify him in the first movie! Because it just didn't work! It contradicted the fact that they made him also amazing! For his position and such he was as fantastic as possible. We just didn't have anyone to compare him to. He didn't have to let Jack get a head start or go save Will just because Elizabeth wanted him to. He was a product of his upbringing (I like law and order and not pillaging) and it wasn't his fault that he wasn't Will so Elizabeth didn't love him! I just felt so bad for him in the first one!! I'm also glad that they didn't just leave his character for dead. He deserves so much better. T.T

I'm sorry for the jumbled rant. I hope you know what I mean. I'm not as eloquent as you >.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Like, it wasn't creepy like, "oh, he's a sadist." It was creepy like, "OMG HE'S GOING TO RAPE WILL TONIGHT ISN'T HE? ISN'T HE!?!?!? :O!!"

Yes. Because Orlando Bloom attracts slash like white cat-hair to a black sweater. He's just so pretty, evil scary things can't resist him! Especially if they have tentacles.

*Wonders vaguely why there isn't Watcher in the Water/Legolas tentacle porn, then realizes there probably is, and that's yet another reason I don't seek out LotR fanfic*

I liked him okay in the first movie - he was a good man, a man of honor, and I appreciated how devoted he was to Elizabeth. I especially liked that he didn't fly into a stupid rage when she refused him in the end - he was sad, but he accepted her right to make her own decision. Damned enlightened gentleman, for the times. And I loved that he gave Jack a headstart - it showed that he really understood what was going on, and that he was a good person, I felt. And then look where it got him, the poor squishy. I swear, I'm going to end up writing fic where the poor boy swears off the navy altogether, and ends up marrying some nice girl and becoming a gentleman farmer somewhere far away from pirates and the East India Company and all of that. Because he deserves that.

Don't apologize, I'm hardly ever coherent when I'm talking about things I like. I just ramble. ;)

[meevish.livejournal.com]

hahaha Norrington the farmer!! XD My fic would be him and Jack having a sexy thing where Jack's always provoking him and Norrington's always chasing after him. Like, they are enemies and they don't actually admit that there is anything between them, but there totally is. And it'd be a fucking epic novel and finally they accept their undenieable love at the end!!! :'D

Well. I wouldn't write it. But I'd love to read it. ^_______^

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Lol. For some reason it never occurs to me to slash characters like that - I'm an odd fangirl in that way, I guess, because the slash usually only grabs me when it's Right There out in the open. Norrington just doesn't strike me as remotely interested in men, and Jack is so wrapped up with Will and Elizabeth (especially Elizabeth) that I think that's more the direction he'd be going in. But that's just me. Like I said, I'm kind of weird that way. ;)

[meevish.livejournal.com]

OH not me!! I adore unbelievable pairs!! Pairs that take pages of angst and denial!! I hate fluff and I hate established couple, so I like things like Harry/Draco and Picard/Q where they would not just sort of happen one night and it would take a crazy set of circumstances even to get them to be civil with one another XD I just love my angst!!

[meevish.livejournal.com]

OH and YES about liking Elizabeth in this one!! I love that she's not just the typical female role! I don't remember if I've already subjected you to this rant, but I'll keep it short just in case!

I love how just through small things like what kind of humor she has it shows what kind of a character she is. In the first one she would get to make the same sort of sarcastic smart witty-esque comments that all main role girls get because it's female role humor. In this one she had slap stick Jackesque humor that any male role could have. They even made fun of her old role when she pretended to faint and no one cared. Love. So much feminist love.

And yeah, she was badass. Like when she had the two swords and thrusted them behind her. Cool XD

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's a really good point about the kind of humor that Elizabeth uses - you're right that they played her more as a stereotypical man than a woman in this movie. I personally really liked the way they play up her similarity to Jack, whereas Will is pretty much the opposite of Jack in every way. Elizabeth is the one who's played as the cunning one, the one who'll do whatever is necessary, the one who plays hard and fast with morals. Given the choice of angering one or the other, you can bet any sane person would get on Will's bad side (what's he going to do, look hurt?) before getting on hers. ;)

Hell yes. I love kickass chicks. XD

[meevish.livejournal.com]

I personally really liked the way they play up her similarity to Jack

Yeah, that was cool. I very much liked that.

And yes. Will just looks hurt XD Like when he saw them kissing all he did was sort of give her a meaningful look. But in my case that'd be the best defense against my meanness. I would not be able to handle his puppy dog eyes D: I don't find him really attractive as a man, but omg his sad face would kill me!!

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

He's attractive</>, but I'm not sure that I'm really attracted to him, if you know what I mean? He's just not so much my type. Very very cute, of course, and pretty much the prettiest thing in the whole world, but not the sort of character that I go completely nuts over. That'd be Jack, ironically, who from an intellectual perspective I'm left going "ohgodno" about. *Sighs*

Anyhow, his puppy eyes would totally be the best defense against just about anything. He's so earnest!

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Oh. Umm... Italics-issues. *Headdesk* Sorry about that.

[meevish.livejournal.com]

Yeah I know what you mean. I can admit that he is a lovely man, but he's not my type of guy. Just as I can admit that most of the men I find irrisistable aren't attractive. They just attract me ^^;;;;

My little sister and I just watched the first one I'm not obsessed and she was making fun of his really expressive reactions and things XD