mental shift

[rivendellrose]

Ever have that experience where you're working on writing a (non-original) character you've never written before, but you have a strong mental image of in your head... and about halfway through writing, you think "well, it's been a while, I'd better watch a few clips to make sure I'm getting their voice right and all." So you pop in the DVDs, watch a few bits... and are immediately taken by the shocking realization that although technically your mental image of them was correct, you had somehow completely neglected to remember about a zillion little details about them, and they actually look a hell of a lot different than how you'd been recalling them?

...Yeah. That's what I get for starting to write fic in a fandom I haven't touched in a while without getting the DVDs out first.

The irony is, I'm pretty sure my voice was right all along. I'm just kind of boggled by how wrong my mental image was, physically. Very strange.

Also, I cannot find my home headphones. I know precisely where the pair at work are (on my desk, where they always are), but the pair at home has vanished. So much for my plan of listening to faintly embarrassing YouTube videos and such while I write... of course, at the moment, my brain is still reconstructing what I'm writing and considering the possibility that I have a highly revisionist hind-brain. Seriously, what is it about B5 in particular (for that is the fandom in question) that causes literally everything in it to be remembered in my mind as about 50% more awesome and attractive and visually appealing than it really was? Is it some kind of magic? And, if it is, can I borrow it? I can see how magic like that could come in seriously handy...

And then, if you're me, you're left wandering around vaguely wondering if you've misremembered other things, and muttering things like "I could have sworn he was taller than that." Bit unnerving. ...And very confusing to one's fiance, when one tries to explain why one is wandering around in a vague state of confusion.

What I have decided: is to borrow a line from that beloved children's book, The Velveteen Rabbit, about how when you love something, it's real. When you love something, it's just that much more beautiful in your mind than it "really" is. The sets often appeared to be made of cardboard and the costumes were often couch fabric, especially early on, and the guest actors often chewed the scenery (hell, so did some of the main actors), but I love this damned show so much that in my head, it is absolutely untouchable. In my head, it is myth and legend and sheer beauty. ...Even if, occasionally when I go back and look carefully at the details, the ink is a bit runny and the pages are more than a little careworn. And possibly someone scribbled a bit in the margins. That's okay. It's good. It's been loved.

Comments

[icebluenothing.livejournal.com]

-- I know, right? Whenever I happen to catch a bit of an episode, nothing about it is as good as I remember it being -- the costumes, the sets, the effects, the acting, the dialog -- okay, maybe the music is as good as I remember ....

But it still looms large in my head as this Epic Thing, and the revelation that it was Slightly Not Good is quickly forgotten again, until the next time. I don't get it, either.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

The thing that kills me is that I still love it, passionately and obsessively. I just... am always stricken by a sort of "oh!" feeling when I first start watching it again, every single time. It's like my brain just kind of gets into the steam of things and compensates, but any amount of time away with just the images in my head leaves coming back and going "...wait, hold on, this is different. Must adjust. Wait for it..." - and then everything's fine again, and I'm back in the swing of things.

It's so downright weird. And I would blame nostalgia, but, honestly, I only watched the show for the first time, what, five years ago? Six at the most? So it's not like this big childhood thing that my brain is painting different colors - it's just that it so much captures my brain that it's something of a shock to see, oh my god, it's really obvious that those walls are sponge-painted plywood, and that poor actor keeps creasing his makeup appliance horribly every time he makes an expression at the wrong angle from the light. And I'm pretty sure I saw those lamps at IKEA.

[aris-tgd.livejournal.com]

To be honest, a lot of it DOES really look a lot worse than it used to, at least if you're watching it on DVD. Netflix somehow got ahold of the original broadcast versions, and they look a lot better.

... Though they do have the wrong side of London in the "Comes the Inquisitor" speech, without even the hilariously bad overdub. ;)

[vjs2259.livejournal.com]

It's like when you remember a b&w movie in color, isn't it? Your mind fills in the blanks.

That point about Netflix is interesting. I'm re-watching for beyond the rim, streaming from NF, and it does seem way more shiny than my beat-up DVDs.

Velveteen Rabbit is so true. *hugs show*

[aris-tgd.livejournal.com]

Well, the DVDs were done with the full 16:9 footage, but none of the digital effects were rendered in 16:9, so they blew up the 4:3 frames and cropped them. So all the EFX shots and all the CG exteriors on ALL the DVDs, except for the movies, are all mis-framed and blurry. Every. Single. One. It's actually kind of infuriating and makes my brain melt a little when I think about it.

But yeah. Some of the things which were corrected for the DVDs aren't switched in the NF versions, so it's like an easter egg hunt!

[shadawyn.livejournal.com]

Seriously, what is it about B5 in particular (for that is the fandom in question) that causes literally everything in it to be remembered in my mind as about 50% more awesome and attractive and visually appealing than it really was? Is it some kind of magic? And, if it is, can I borrow it? I can see how magic like that could come in seriously handy...

I... kind of feel this way about everything I watch that I was introduced to first by fandom. (Firefly was a huge example. It's one of my favorite shows, but watching everyone getting super-excited by it, and then actually watching it was kind of deflating.) Mebbe because my brain is not fandom-wired >_>

And then, if you're me, you're left wandering around vaguely wondering if you've misremembered other things, and muttering things like "I could have sworn he was taller than that." Bit unnerving. ...And very confusing to one's fiance, when one tries to explain why one is wandering around in a vague state of confusion.

I do things like that ^_^ M is used to it now.

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

I... kind of feel this way about everything I watch that I was introduced to first by fandom.

Awww, I'm sorry. There does tend to be an over-hyping kind of effect, doesn't there? :(

I do things like that ^_^ M is used to it now.

The Boy is fairly used to it, too, but then I get all embarrassed about explaining precisely what it is that's got me so confused, so... he puts up with a lot. ;)

[shadawyn.livejournal.com]

I'm sure that if you think about it, the Boy has some quirky behavior he gets embarrassed about and thinks you put up with, too ;)

As for the over-hyping--I think some of it is because folks who are wired for fandom see what's happening, and then their brains take it to the next level (or beyond), and when they're explaining it to someone else, they're speaking at that higher level of involvement.

So when folks like me who aren't wired for fandom get told about it, we're being told about it at that higher level of involvement that doesn't come across in the actual media, it can be a let-down XD Now, if they're speaking at that level to someone who wired for fandoms, then I don't think it has that same effect and the excitement carries over.

[gaslightgallows]

I know exactly how you feel (and yes, I always think he's taller than he actually is. Man's got presence).

I don't notice it with B5 so much--as I said earlier, I forgive because I'm genuinely oblivious--but I have this same reaction when I re-watch Forever Knight. I have such treasured memories of the show and the fans, but when I actually sit down and watch the episodes, nothing's like I remember it. The story is far more disjointed, there's none of the story arcs that fans have created to explain continuity!fail, and the characters are even more fundamentally flawed than I remember.

But I love it, and my remembered version is more real than the actual televised version. *hugs fanon*

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Lol. It was just so funny! Going along, paying careful attention to dialogue and mannerisms and then, suddenly - oh my god, the extras are all taller than him. He's not that much taller than Delenn! Who is not at all tall. I mean... can you imagine if we'd actually got him and Dukhat in the same frame at some point?

The story always carries through with me for B5. With exception of a few horrible moments in S1, and the telepath arc of which I refuse to speak. That's just a case of flat-out "it didn't happen."

Some of the rest does kind of make my brain hurt, but I love it so much. And fanon is the best thing ever.

[gaslightgallows]

He can look Delenn in the eye.

HE HAD TO LOOK UP AT SINCLAIR TO APOLOGIZE. DDDD:

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

HE HAD TO LOOK UP AT SINCLAIR TO APOLOGIZE. DDDD:

The real reason he was so pissed off. Nothing to do with honor and shame and being better than humanity - it was having to look up while going through all that. *Pets him*

[gaslightgallows]

The least Delenn could've done was get him a box to stand on. Yeesh!