so.... tired....

[rivendellrose]

I'm totally exhausted, damn it. I should never have taken this 7:30am job, and it *really* doesn't help that it started after last weekend, with all that staying up late. And then everything else that's happened this week.

I really thought I'd be happy about all of this, but I feel so completely miserable. Nothing is ever what you expect, I guess. I just hope things settle down and start making sense again soon.

On a related note, I hate making decisions. REALLY hate it. I've thought I've come to a solution about five times in the last few days, and I'm never satisfied for more than an hour or so. If even that. And I want to get this figured out soon, damn it. I guess... I know what I want, I just don't know if it's a good idea.

This is making no sense to anybody but about three people, I know. But once I've started it's so hard to stop ranting.

I had a good cry about the whole thing last night, which left me feeling a bit better, but you can only do that so much before it stops helping. And it's silly anyway - there's nothing in this to be crying about, really. I'm probably just too damned tired. Big surprise there.

The RPs are really quiet lately... it's really strange. At least in MM I know it's partly my fault - I'll get something up there today. At least I get to go home and have a few days of rest, now... I feel like I really need it.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

Comments

[ladysonnet.livejournal.com]

Man... there are sometimes when you sound so much like me, it's scary. :)

I understand about the don't like making decisions thing. I hate it too. I will usually try to find any possible way to do both or all of whatever my choices are. I'm sure that's not possible for you this time, or there wouldn't be so much angst. :(

And about the crying, I'm sure it's a sleep issue. Not that it doens't help (it helps me sometimes) or isn't warranted here, but you'd probably feel more in control if your body wasn't all out of whack. Believe me, I know. It took me years of spontaneously busting out into tears before I was able to figure out what was triggering it.

Use the holiday to catch up, and you'll be able to face your issues, I'm sure of it. Hug!

Betho

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Sleep really has helped. Turns out I was not only tired and stressed, but coming down with the usual November cold, too. It hit me hard yesterday, but I'm already feeling better for some actual *SLEEP* and not having work or classes. Hopefully I can recover enough over the break that it won't set me right back again to go back to my jobs and all on Monday.

And it seems that the angst is mostly solved... as solved as it's gonna get immediately, anyway. Hooray for talking/thinking things out.

Thanks so much - it's such a relief sometimes to have someone who knows how my mind works. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

[spazzychic.livejournal.com]

*hugs!!* I always second guess myself which makes decisions sucky. Sooner or later you just gotta pick something, squeeze your eyes shut and hope tho.. *hugs*

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Yup - going 'round in circles from one answer to the other seems to be my standard. *sighs* Oh well.

*hugs* Thanksgiving go well for you?

[spazzychic.livejournal.com]

It did indeed. I'm thankful for you btw :)

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Awww.... I'm thankful for you, too!

[tearsandtutus.livejournal.com]

Ugh, hun, I know exactly how you feel. While not knowing the exact situation here, I can completely relate on a mental/emotional level. Decision making is one of my least favorite things in the entire world and I, too, am absolutely miserable at it. I'm horrible at acting on things if I'm the least bit unsure of whether it's the right thing to do or not, and sometimes that just paralyzes me completely.

And on the note of crying - sometimes it's a good thing just to sit and let everything go for a bit. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't, and sometimes I end up feeling pretty damn strange about breaking down for no apparent reason. (I'm just glad we don't have to *decide* when to cry...) You probably are just tired, though.

MM has been quiet, but don't worry about it. It's a holiday weekend and Chelle just had surgery and you sound like you've been having one hell of a week. It'll pick up again (hopefully) soon. I've been sitting on Ginny's post for a couple of weeks now, and I should probably get to writing that sometimes soon.

Anyway, if you ever want to talk about anything, I'm here. I know I've dumped on you several times in the past, so feel free to IM me and unload if you ever feel the need. I hope this weekend is a thousand times more relaxing and enjoyable than your week was. Talk to you later.   :)

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hun - I'm feeling much better, after some rest and relaxation, and generally just not having to worry about school or anything. Sleep is good. ... and lots of yummy food, and TTT Extended, too.

And! Did you see who People magazine voted Sexiest Man Alive? Normally I don't pay much mind to them... but for the sake of all those pretty pictures, I usually read this issue. And your boy, Clay Aiken, got in it too!

*hugs* I won't be around much til Sunday afternoon, most likely. My mom doesn't have AIM on her computer. I might download it... but her computer's on a modem connection, still, so I try not to tie up the phonelines for *tooo* long.

[tearsandtutus.livejournal.com]

I did indeed pick up my copy of the newest People magazine (maybe last Friday?) with our gorgeous Johnny Depp on the cover. The huge picture inside just floors me. Gah. And of course Clay looks all lovely in it, too. ;)

I haven't been around much either because I've been all over the place with absolutely no time on my hands except for small ten minute intervals here and there, and if I'm lucky enough to be in the vicinity of a computer, I've been checking mail and all.

I hope we'll both get to catch each other online soon and everything can go back to feeling somewhat normal - I've been totally thrown off track with not being online for a few days now - and I shall leave you with the best possible thought that one can have at the moment:

3 days until the Pirates of the Caribbean VHS/DVD.
18 days until RotK.

*squeals* Decemberisthebestmonthever.

♥

[(Anonymous)]

I still believe its a better way to live to just accept what you want more than worrying about whether its a good idea or not... worrying isn't any fun.

And while few people may understand what your talking about, consider yourself having my permission to explain it if you need to... your happiness is more important than my not being judged by your friends, and I sense a desire in you to talk to more people about the issues of late than you're currently able to. Do as you must.

- Ric

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

Thanks, handsome. It's ok, really - once I made the decision I felt better... and more so after we'd talked about everything last night.

*Hugs* I appreciate your giving me the go-ahead, but I'm honestly more concerned about you feeling better, right now, particularly since this current situation is my fault, so to speak. I don't feel bad about my decisions, but I feel bad that they're not very happy things for you.