The Rose's Grove

Had an appointment with the OB today, and generally things are going well. I unfortunately do not have the okay to do any kind of exercise for exercise's sake (including walking), so that sucks, but generally she seems to think I'm on target apart from the bleed still being a thing. The one thing I'm not on target on... is gaining weight. I've only gained about 6 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight, and the OB would prefer that I'd gained 9 or 10.

This is not a surprise. I've been watching the scale every time I go in, hoping it would creep up a little faster... but no luck.

We talked about a few simple things I can do to add some extra calories to my diet without feeling too full or eating junk food, things like nuts, avocados, replacing my current low-fat yogurt with full-fat, and adding in an Odwalla protein shake or other smoothie. That last one is especially helpful because even though I know they're full of calories (300-370 a bottle) they don't feel like I'm eating extra food, and they have basically no risk of making me feel full. And, as a bonus, they've actually got pretty good amounts of B vitamins and iron and stuff (the iron being particularly of concern since there's some risk of my becoming anemic since I've been bleeding semi-continually since December). So that's good.

( Navel-gazing regarding gaining weight, and the entitled but still problematic weight issues that come from being small. )

So really there's two things going on here - the first being that I'm a little nervous about gaining weight even though I know I need to (and that supposedly breastfeeding will help it to come off after), but the second and probably bigger issue being that I'm afraid of losing my lifestyle. Even when I do walk now I have to be so careful to walk more slowly so I don't jostle and jar things more than I have to or be too active, I'm not even walking like myself. And that scares me immensely more than the thought of gaining ten pounds. More than anything I'm afraid of losing the way I've always walked miles without thinking about it, walking to the local parks and all that. I keep saying that I'll get back to it as soon as I can after the baby's born, and then back to the gym once I'm back to my usual self outside, but I'm genuinely nervous about not being able to recover as quickly as I hope.

And until then, there isn't a damned thing I can do except the exact opposite - sit here quietly, try not to get much activity at all, and eat an extra little bowl of cottage cheese so that hopefully I'll have gained some more weight at my next appointment.

Women who blithely talk about how much they enjoyed their pregnancy (which they usually went through 10+ years ago if they’re saying that, I notice) should just stfu. Not necessarily because I think they’re lying (spoilers: I totally think they’re either lying or the hormone-induced brain-wipe worked REALLY well on them), but because the rest of us who have kind of frankly miserable pregnancies with all kinds of problems and painful symptoms just don’t want to fucking hear it or even remember having heard it, okay? Just... just don’t.

If your pregnancy really was nine months of unadulterated bliss, good for you. Now screw off and leave the rest of us mere mortals to our suffering.

(Yup, still pregnant. Nope, not at all sure that'll continue as far as tomorrow, let alone 20 more weeks. Why so dismal? When you're already bleeding regularly and at risk for pre-term labor and everybody is like "call the hospital right away if you start getting cramps or more bleeding," and then you get debilitating pains that are almost certainly gas pains but who the hell knows the difference between those and cramps anyway, you have a tendency to panic slightly. Research indicates we are probably not really in crisis mode yet, just... in for another uncomfortable evening of the late 2nd trimester.)

Also, on a related note, gas pains can go jump off a fucking bridge into a volcano.

NOTE: This post is not actually intended as an attack against anybody, and no, I don't actually think anybody should stfu about their pregnancy. Not reeeeally, anyway. I'm just feeling really shitty right now, okay?